Category Archives: long suffering husbands

The Caring Role

I work in the Care Sector, I have done for most of my adult life.  I’m known as a kind, caring and compassionate person – I have to have those qualities to do my job as well as I do.

So why, oh why, do I leave that kind, caring and compassionate person at the door and become an absolute tyrant at home?

Oh don’t get me wrong, I’m kind to my children – but – they have to be really really ill first 😄

When it comes to adults I want to scream at them ” Ffs – you have a bastard cold – yes, you feel like shite, but take some paracetamol and get back to work”

You may have guessed I’ve had a bitch of a week with almost the whole household being ill with this flu/headache virus.  I must confess I’ve been run ragged.  Up and down the stairs during the daytime, being woken up during the night with vomiting children, children with little hot burning bodies climbing into my bed and crying with headache.  Measuring out Calpol with sleep encrusted eyes and then Jeff begging for fresh water, like Lawrence of Arabia 😳

I’ve managed to hold it all together quite well.  I learnt my lesson the hard way some years ago ……….

Jeff was doing a very good impression of someone dying of Cholera one morning.  Me being my usual lovely self lost the plot and told him “Yes you have a cold, but sometimes you have to just get on with it!”

I packed his sandwiches and shoved him out the door …..

Later that evening 1st born came running up the stairs in a panic

“Mom, what’s wrong with Jeff – he can’t stand up!”

I gave a sigh and trotted down the stairs – and there was my poor husband struggling to breathe and falling about all over the place!

We rang for advice from the NHS Direct Line, whilst I’m telling her his symptoms she interrupted me and said “Is that him I can hear breathing beside you?” I confirmed that it was …..

“Get him to A&E immediately, phone for an ambulance if needed”

Well he ended up in Hospital for nearly a week really ill with Pneumonia 😳

I don’t know how on earth he managed to convince them he was really ill just to make me feel bad – I think he may have paid the doctor …………. 😄

Real men and quiche

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Someone posted a photo of a magnificent quiche they had made.  I looked at it and though “yeah I could do that” 😄 Off I trotted and bought all the ingredients for my pastry and filling ………

“I was intending to make you a home made quiche for dinner tonight” I said to Jeff “but I then realised I didn’t have a flan dish to make it in”😳

“Phew that was lucky” he replied 😳

 

 

A wedding speech 😍

In keeping with the Valentine’s Day spirit I’m going to finish the day off with my wedding speech to Jeff 😃 Apologies to my Facebookers – just scroll past – you’ve heard it all before bla bla bla 😄

So make yourself a cuppa, put your feet up and I’ll take you for a trip down my memory lane 😄

I first met Jeff when we worked together.  I can still remember the very first time I ever laid eyes on him – I didn’t even know his name at this point – I just knew him as the angry little South African who used to shout at everyone in the workshop 😄

He walked towards me and our eyes met – I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight – lust maybe – but something happened inside my heart ❤️

Of course, being the romantic sort that he is – Jeff doesn’t remember this first meeting – but I think over the years I’ve kind of grown on him – abit like a mould or a rash or something 😳

When we found out we were expecting Arowyn we decided to buy our house and move in together.  Jeff’s lifestyle changed drastically – he went from being a single man, living alone in peace and solitude – to a man living in a household with a new baby, two teenage step-sons, and 3 cats 😜

Jeff coped brilliantly with the major changes to his lifestyle – he only took Valium 5 days of the week – the other 2 he stuck to vodka 😜

As the years have moved on Jeff has not only been a wonderful Dad to Arowyn and Lana but he has been a fantastic step-dad to Christian and Cameron – infact he’s made such a great job of being a step-dad that Arowyn asked me why she hasn’t got a step-dad of her own – everyone else in her class has got one!

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Jeff has always had a great relationship with the boys.  Even when they were going through those teenage years there was never any of this “you’re not our Dad” – I think it’s quite obvious he’s not their Dad seeing as they are mixed race – but even so ….

I also know some of you are wondering “why now?” “Why after ten years are they getting married?”  Well it’s simple really – I don’t believe in sex before marriage – Jeff’s been very patient for a long time – I hope he’s worth the wait – I think it will be the best 10 seconds of my life 😳

My Mom always told me “you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your Prince” so here’s to my special frog Prince Jeff – thank you for everything you do for us as a family – Happy Valentine’s Day ❤️

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The true meaning of Valentines Day :)

As Valentines Day approaches we all start to make our romantic plans.  I think us women kind of know the routine and what to do to make their men feel loved 🙂 but some men, well, my man, needs a little guidance in areas of Romance, mainly to avoid another situation like this:

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Yes, me with my brand new toilet seat!

To be fair the toilet seat looked rather nice – wrapped around his neck 🙂

The shops are full of romantic cards, hearts, chocolates, flowers and those cute little teddy bears holding, yes you guessed it, a cute little heart when really Valentines Day is not about any of these things ……………

Valentines Day is about having some great sex and marmite on toast for afters 🙂

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Happy Valentines Day you romantic old devil 🙂

Fairy Liquid Family 😃

Our dishwasher packed up earlier this week – we have to wait another week for the engineer to come and fix it!

As you can imagine the bloody horror of all the washing up from a family of 6 plus, that now has to be done by hand 😳

But we’ve all knuckled down to the soap suds and done our fair share of washing up by hand – well apart from me yesterday – more fucking guilt to deal with!!!!

Its been rather fun, back to basics – the smell of good old Fairy Liquid taking us back to our childhoods – before a dishwasher was even heard of ………..  The kids all washing up together and working as a team – Jeff and I side by side, giggling as he tenderly wipes washing up bubbles from off my nose ….. ❤️ We’ve actually been like the Ingles family off Little House on the Prairie 😊

What a load of bollocks!!

Everyone has argued like mad about who’s turn it is to wash up – I’ve had to beg, bribe and threaten them all.  I’ve held Jeff’s head under the water till his legs start to shake and then I’ve tenderly wiped the bubbles off his head when he agrees that yes, it is infact his turn to wash up 😜

We have another week of this – no wonder I’ve had a migraine! 😳😳

Still not looked ………. :)

My first day of “The No Mirror Challenge” was off to a fairly good start 😃

Although there was a dodgy moment first thing yesterday morning when I was summoned to the bathroom by Jeffrey.  Inching my way into the bathroom I very cleverly turned my back to the bathroom mirror before I asked what he wanted.  He was waving around his toothbrush and not looking very happy!

“What the fuck has happened to my toothbrush!” he declared!  I took a closer look – all the toothbrush bristles were chopped off – had to be the work of 4th born!   😂😂

I had to turn my back to him as a snorted and tried not to laugh – and as a consequence came face to face with the mirror – however, I’m going to let this one go and not count it as a failure because I didn’t have my contacts in and all I saw was a fuzzy shape – I did spot my red nose though, but nothing serious.

IMAG2347I just know it will get harder as the days go on – the bristles on my chin will need chopping off – another job for 4th born …………….

Have a good day folks 🙂

Pay day – where are you???

I`ve been so bloody good the past week, using up all the contents of the fridge and freezer, using up all those dodgy tins that you normally leave for the donation to the Harvest Festival, cos you just know you are never going to eat tinned mince or luncheon meat – quite frankly I would rather eat my own toe nails!

But, needs must and all that – January is a tough month so it`s time to tighten your belts and make a few sacrifices to get through to pay day.

I`ve paid my penance for overspending in December and I’m really pleased and proud that I`ve managed to feed a family of 6, plus 2 doggies and a cat on next to nothing – well basically I haven’t cooked anything 😜

Jeffrey just rang “I’m going to be late back from work honey” he informed me “didn’t want dinner to be spoilt”

“bhahahahahahahahaha😄 What dinner is that then Jeff?”

How funny – my lovely husband lives in hope 😄

Now where the fuck is the Chinese Menu ………………

Happy New Year Jeffrey :)

A little Happy New Year to my Jeffrey  I know he unwittingly bears the brunt of my humour sometimes – well, most days actually – but he takes it all in his usual calm laid-back manner – well I’m sure he would if he knew about it but seeing as he never goes on Facebook or on here – all is good 😁😁

I promise to carry on in my own merry way this coming year and I will try not to nag so much – providing you finish the diy jobs you started in 2005 😁

I will try not to be sarcastic and tell you if anything happened to me – our children would be taken into care – just cos 3rd born has tangles in her hair whilst I’m at work – I know you do a fantastic job of looking after them – cos they told me you have taught them to cook a full roast dinner and they know how to climb out of windows whilst you’re playing Fifa – all good life skills 😄😄

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I bloody love you Jeffrey, I hope the following year brings us even more happiness and love x

P.s. love doesn’t necessarily mean more sex – you need to decorate first 🙂

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A Turkey tale🐔🐔🐔🐔

It could have all gone so horribly wrong – what with chief turkey roaster (1st born) buggering off to China – without any bloody thought about who was going to cook my turkey 😳

Previous years have gone something like this – must cook turkey – before opening lambrini – must cook turkey – before opening lambrini – must look perky – before opening something – must book something – before opening something – must finish bottle – before – nope too late ………… Zzzzzzzzz berry shishbush to you all 😳

However – I bloody surpassed myself 😄 Turkey was crammed with a large onion up his bum – or neck – depending upon which end of the turkey you were facing.  He was then treated to a naked massage – him naked, not me – and had butter rubbed all over his wrinkled body and then powdered with seasonings and a few streaky rashers laying seductively across his naked form – ummmmm I think I’ve been reading too much Jackie Collins ……… 😜

Anyway, into the oven he went on Christmas Eve – I decided to cook him the day before, in case there were any disasters – I could then use my contingency plan of “turning up on other family members doorsteps, just in time for Christmas dinner” 😜 but all was going to plan – well I did forget to remove the giblets – but everyone forgets those – standard.  My oven had a funny half hour – or 4, and decided to smoke the house out – Jeffrey did suggest it may need a clean …………. I helped him up off the kitchen floor ……….

But even after all that – the end result was bloody marvellous 😃 I was rather taken back the next morning when it was suggested we have roast potatoes, parsnips, carrots, stuffing, piggies in the blanket bla bla bla ……. with my precious Turkey 😳 I assumed the turkey alone would suffice 😜

So we ended up having a lovely Christmas day with a lovely Christmas dinner – Jeffrey is one lucky man to have such a fine wife as I 😍

Jeff is on holiday for the next two weeks 😃 He is intending to do loads of jobs around the house during these holidays 😃  He’s bloody marvellous at DIY – it just takes him sooooooo long to finish what he’s started – I waited almost a year for my floor tiles to be laid in the lounge and down the hallway.  I cried, threatened to move out till he finished – but then had to backtrack as I thought my family may not remember who I was when I eventually came back!  I told him nothing would be getting laid till my floor was!   I resorted to standing naked at the end of the hallway enticing him tile by tile 😄 But the end result was first class 😃 so I’m looking forward to maybe a new coat of paint in the bathroom – all ready for next Christmas 😃😃

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and if anyone needs any Turkey tips for future reference – I’m the one to speak to 😃

Ding dong merrily on high – and all that Crimbo business ⛄🎅😁

I’m typing this on my phone and can only see half the bloody screen so apologies – I have no idea what I’m writing 😨

Thought I would drop in and see how everyone’s Christmas plans are going – nice and all organised?  Shit, I was hoping to find fellow headless chickens like myself 😨

I still have food shopping to do – which possibly means just the scraggly manky brussel sprouts and squirty cream left – not to have together you understand – but I must be the only person ever to love brussels ❤

1st and 2nd born fly to China tomorrow to spend Christmas with their Dad so I’m a bit sad they won’t be home for Christmas and course first Christmas without my Mom – but – she loved this time of year so I’ll do her proud with the microwave Christmas dinners I’m dishing up 😁😁 Ha! only kidding, Jeff will become spoilt with that kind of treatment – he will eat his turkey, cooked with my fair hand and LIKE IT VERY MUCH !!!!

4th born is very much on her best behaviour after last week’s Harry Potter incident – in fact peace is reigning in the household – course it will probably only last whilst there are mince pies in the house and me and Jeff have eaten 24 mini ones in 2 nights 😁

I can feel my thighs and arse expanding by the hour – didn’t help when I put on a pair of knickers – that wouldn’t go over my thighs – what a relief to discover they were 3rd borns, aged 9-10 – phew, back to the mince pies …….. 😃