Category Archives: long suffering husbands

Getting ready for Christmas ๐Ÿ˜œ

Hi folks ๐Ÿ˜Š long time no speak/write. ย I’ve been reblogging some of my old posts, not out of laziness but more out of starting a new job, which is fab but on a personal level not finding much sunshine over the past few week.

There’s everyone “Ooooh I’m all ready for Christmas, everything bought, everything wrapped bla bla bla ……” and then there’s Me – “hmmmm should I be making a list or something” ๐Ÿ˜ณ

I decided I had to take control of the situation and me and Jeffrey decided to go Christmas shopping today – together – alone – quite frankly this is always a bad idea! ย He’s like an elderly parent – you turn your back and he’s wandered off somewhere, so I then have to spend the next half hour looking for him!

We got 2nd born to babysit the girls and gathered our stuff together. ย “Where are you going?” asked 4th born accusingly

“We’re going to the Zoo – to buy a cage to put you and your sister in” I replied – they have been little beasts lately ๐Ÿ˜ณ

Without batting an eyelid she replied “I want the biggest cage – not her!” ๐Ÿ˜„

I hope you are all doing better than I am with your Christmas plans – if you’ve managed to bag yourself a turkey and a Christmas pudding – I’ll be joining you on the 25th! ๐Ÿ˜„

 

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Bridget Jones’s Baby ๐Ÿ‘ถ๐Ÿ˜„

What joy I had going to see this film tonight! ๐Ÿ˜„

I wanted to see it sooooo much – and Jeff didn’t want to see it sooooo much – I decided whilst he was away working it would be an ideal time! ย Plus I rather value my marriage and Jeff had said making him watch this was testing his love for me too much! ๐Ÿ˜„

Anyway off I trotted to the Cinema – Bridget Jones is probably the only film you can confidently sashay into the cinema and proudly ask for a single ticket! ย I picked my seat – on the back row folks – Go Me! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ I was all alone until another female singleton sat one seat away from me. ย I turned to her and said “Folk will think we’re a couple who’ve had a row” ๐Ÿ˜„ ย She joined in the fun and moved 3 rows in front – just to keep up the charade …….. ๐Ÿ˜œ

So there I was – sat snugly between two couples – I was enjoying my popcorn and happily grabbing handfuls – and then I remembered – I hadn’t bought any – but I don’t think they minded sharing ………. ๐Ÿ˜œ

Now the film! ย Oh what a little nugget of pleasure it was! ย I howled with laughter and then wept like a baby! ย It was bloody marvellous and I loved this film! โค๏ธ

I did miss my Jeff though – especially when I left the cinema and couldn’t remember what parking bay I had left the car in ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ

Mary, Mary – quite contrary ……….

Men often complain that they can never understand us women. ย I’m beginning to think they have a point! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

How I behave each and every day is governed by whether I’m in a good mood and loving the world or whether I’m in a shit mood and cross with everything! ย However, like the weather, my mood and attitude can change by the hour! ๐Ÿ˜„

Take the other weekend as I’m leaving the house to go to work

“You don’t have to do anything today Jeff, leave the washing up and tidying up, just have a nice day with the girls” I beamed ๐Ÿ˜„

Me, as I return from work

“Did you actually do anything in the way of housework today Jeffrey?” ๐Ÿ˜ก

I horrify myself sometimes – infact I would probably divorce myself under these circumstances ๐Ÿ˜ณ

Still never mind – it keeps him on his toes! ๐Ÿ˜„

Car Wash :)

We drove over the visit Jeff’s brother last Sunday.ย  We passed a car wash with a sign outside – it said “Best hand job for miles” ๐Ÿ™‚

Jeff nearly crashed the car when he did an emergency stop!! ๐Ÿ™‚

What made it even funnier was when Jeff told his brother – and his brother innocentlyย said “They’re pretty good, I use them all the time” ๐Ÿ™‚

Sex in the 1960’s ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

I thought I would share with you an extract from a sex education school textbook for girls, printed in the 1960’s in the UK and explains why men in 2016 get, ahem – “excited” at football! ๐Ÿ˜œ

 

“When retiring to the bedroom, prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. ย Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance, your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom, as he would have to do for his train. ย But remember to look your best when going to bed. ย Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious (No legs in the air girls) ๐Ÿ˜œ If you need to apply face cream, or hair rollers wait until he’s asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night. ย When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him.

If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it (just grab what’s in the bedside drawer and do it yourself!) ๐Ÿ˜œ In all things be led by your husbands wishes, do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy (Do not shove your booty anywhere near his nether regions) ๐Ÿ˜œ Should your husband suggest congress then agree humbly all the while being mindful that a man’s satisfaction is more important than a woman’s ( No shouting out “I haven’t bloody finished yet!”) ๐Ÿ˜œ When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment you may have had (Again, no screaming or yelling out “Faster and Harder you stud!”) ๐Ÿ˜œ

Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent (No screetching “you want to put it where!”) ๐Ÿ˜ฎ It is likely your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your night time face and hair care products.

You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning. ย This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes.” (Not the usual, your bloody turn to make the tea!”) ๐Ÿ˜œ

Altogether now girls ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

What`s a little weight gain? :)

Poor Jeff, he`s in unknown territory at the moment.ย  Never before has he had to cope with a wife who has gained weight ๐Ÿ™‚

Therefore he has to learn that it is not Ok to

a) grab what`s hanging over the top of my jeans

b) joke about me trying to squeeze into aforementioned jeans

c) snort with laughter as I cram custard creams into my gob

*I am beautiful, I am gorgeous, I am worthy, I willย resume normal weightย again very soon*

That’s better, I will now assist Jeff up off the floor and give him a bag of frozen peas for his swollen eye ๐Ÿ™‚

IMAG0550
I’m sexy and I know it ๐Ÿ™‚

It’s a trap Jeff – don’t go there ๐Ÿ˜„

“I’ve put on weight haven’t I?” I said to Jeff

“No honey, you look great”

“I have put on weight Jeff, my clothes feel tight, I know I have”

“You look gorgeous honey”

“But I have put on weight haven’t I?”

“Ok, maybe a little, but you still look great”

” So you’re saying I’m fat then!” ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ