Category Archives: humour

Getting ready for Christmas πŸ˜œ

Hi folks 😊 long time no speak/write. Β I’ve been reblogging some of my old posts, not out of laziness but more out of starting a new job, which is fab but on a personal level not finding much sunshine over the past few week.

There’s everyone “Ooooh I’m all ready for Christmas, everything bought, everything wrapped bla bla bla ……” and then there’s Me – “hmmmm should I be making a list or something” 😳

I decided I had to take control of the situation and me and Jeffrey decided to go Christmas shopping today – together – alone – quite frankly this is always a bad idea! Β He’s like an elderly parent – you turn your back and he’s wandered off somewhere, so I then have to spend the next half hour looking for him!

We got 2nd born to babysit the girls and gathered our stuff together. Β “Where are you going?” asked 4th born accusingly

“We’re going to the Zoo – to buy a cage to put you and your sister in” I replied – they have been little beasts lately 😳

Without batting an eyelid she replied “I want the biggest cage – not her!” πŸ˜„

I hope you are all doing better than I am with your Christmas plans – if you’ve managed to bag yourself a turkey and a Christmas pudding – I’ll be joining you on the 25th! πŸ˜„

 

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Three legged donkey is back!😜

Thank you folks for still giving me the odd few likes, follows and comments 😜 I know that following me recently is like following a three legged donkey!

However I’m still here, although I did have trouble logging on to WordPress – it just kept logging me out – I’m sure I heard some sniggers and a few mutterings of “You’re having a fucking laugh trying to get back on here – after dumping us for so long” 😜

What can I say – my mojo has taken a bit of a beating lately for various reasons and I’ve had loads happening – some good and some not so good but my mojo is no longer a mofo and I’m back again!

I hope you’re all ok and I look forward to catching up on your blogs 😊 We’re off to the Christmas Party for the kids at Jeff’s works tomorrow – it involves a Pantomime and a visit to Santa – although I’m not sure they are convinced anymore of how genuine this Santa is – mainly because fourth born said he was picking his nose last year! 😳 and no doubt she’ll tell him this year ………….

I’ll let you know how it goes 😜

Disillusioned 😳

Having a browse through the “buying and selling” sites and I come across this:

For sale: An Occasional Table, good condition 😳

What on earth is an “Occasional Table?”

Does this mean you’re a table – Monday to Friday – but on the weekend you turn into a giraffe called Gordon and entertain the public with a series of party tricks?

Poor little disillusional table – once a table, always a table πŸ˜›

 

Plum πŸ’

Third born was telling us about another school girl who has a very well developed chest.

Fourth born looked on in interest and tried to pass some support to her sister by saying

“She only has big boobs because she’s a Plum!”

We both look at her confused

“Do you mean Plump Lana?” πŸ˜€

“Yes” she replied “that’s what I said, she’s a plum”

I’m now working my way to “Plum Status” as I type 😜

“Unclean! – Unclean!”😳

Oh dear, it’s all abit doom and gloom in the household at the moment 😳

First born done his knee in at Football and is on crutches for the next 4-6 weeks. Β As a consequence he’s moved back home seeing as he can’t manage the three flights of stairs to get to his flat. Β I’m not sure he realises I’ve Β done it as an investment for my old age and I have to move in with him when I can no longer manage my stairs! πŸ˜ƒ

Third born came home from school yesterday after swallowing or inhaling a pen top! 😨 Β After seeing the Doctor we decided it was swallowed – seeing as she wasn’t wheezing and still breathing! Β Doctor told me to “keep a look out” for offending top – but I told him it’s ok – she does have other pens she can use! 😜

I had my flu jab last Saturday and feel like crap. Β I’m shuffling around the house in an oversized dressing gown and demanding First born on crutches makes me tea – it’s not as if he’s hurt his arms is it! 😳

I tried to jolly myself up by playing my tunes πŸ˜ƒ as I bopped around to “I love to Boogie” by T Rex – swirling oversized dressing gown around with me Third born stood at the door – she watched me for a while, with undisguised admiration and then said

“Mom – don’t!” 😜😜😜

 

It’s been “One of those weeks” πŸ˜³

I’ve had “One of those Weeks” 😟

The nice thing was Jeffrey returned from France – I’m sure after half an hour he was wishing he was back there! πŸ˜„

He walked in the door and straight into a full blown conversation that had me explaining to Fourth born that she wouldn’t just “grow a penis because she wanted to!” 😳

Third born was complaining because her school shoes fell to bits – after three weeks of wear! Β Ok, I opted for the cheap ones so I guess that was my fault. Β I read up everything I could find about legal rights when returning shoddy goods – because of course I hadn’t bothered to keep the receipt! Β I memorised and quoted the law like a top class barrister and off I trotted to the shoe shop, like a fighter going in to battle!

The Manager took one look at the shoes and refunded in full – without me saying a word! Β I was sooooo disappointed – I learnt all that information for nothing!  😳

I’ve worked almost non-stop this week to earn some extra money for Christmas and I’ve justΒ finished my last nightshift for this week. Β Seeing as I have tonight off and have a date with Jeffrey I decide to have a luxurious bath before I take myself off to bed 😊

I then decide the bath needs a clean before I soak my weary, hairy little legs in it. Β I discover I’ve run out of bath cleaner so I used Harpic Limescale Remover 😳

Now, instead of smelling of Camomile and Bamboo Milk luxury bubble bath – I smell of a pine forest or a toilet! 😳

I’m going to tell Jeff that I smell like I do to remind him of a romantic date walking through the forest, watching the squirrels and listening to the birds sing 😜 I think my chances of a shag are zero!

Have a good weekend folks! πŸ˜ƒ

Bridget Jones’s Baby πŸ‘ΆπŸ˜„

What joy I had going to see this film tonight! πŸ˜„

I wanted to see it sooooo much – and Jeff didn’t want to see it sooooo much – I decided whilst he was away working it would be an ideal time! Β Plus I rather value my marriage and Jeff had said making him watch this was testing his love for me too much! πŸ˜„

Anyway off I trotted to the Cinema – Bridget Jones is probably the only film you can confidently sashay into the cinema and proudly ask for a single ticket! Β I picked my seat – on the back row folks – Go Me! πŸ˜ƒ I was all alone until another female singleton sat one seat away from me. Β I turned to her and said “Folk will think we’re a couple who’ve had a row” πŸ˜„ Β She joined in the fun and moved 3 rows in front – just to keep up the charade …….. 😜

So there I was – sat snugly between two couples – I was enjoying my popcorn and happily grabbing handfuls – and then I remembered – I hadn’t bought any – but I don’t think they minded sharing ………. 😜

Now the film!  Oh what a little nugget of pleasure it was!  I howled with laughter and then wept like a baby!  It was bloody marvellous and I loved this film! ❀️

I did miss my Jeff though – especially when I left the cinema and couldn’t remember what parking bay I had left the car in 😜😜

Getting old! 😳

I just came back from food shopping. Β There was a time when, if two young men stood close to me at the checkout I used to think they were flirting with me – now I assume they are going to mug me and steal my purse!

I’ve turned into a suspicious old woman, clutching my handbag and scowling at anyone who looks young enough to be my offspring! 😳

On the brighter side I’m on a mini hollibob again – 5 glorious days off whilst Jeff is working in France – 5 glorious days of clearing out cupboards, washing, ironing, cleaning and doing all those shitty jobs I don’t have time to do normally 😳 Β I’m also going to overdose on Orange is the New Black!

Have a good week folks! πŸ˜ƒ

New beginnings, new loves! πŸ˜œ

Hope you’re all well. Β It’s been a tad manic the past fortnight with third born starting secondary school and fourth born having a mini meltdown now her big sister is no longer in the same school 😁 but we are getting there!

Third born is absolutely loving her new school and has settled brilliantly, although I think a certain young lad in her form has made the world a sunnier place in her eyes 😍

She had only been there 2 days when he asked her out – by the 4th day his words of devotion went along the lines of – how much he loved her, how beautiful she was, how she had completed his life – did I mention they are both 11 years old πŸ˜„πŸ˜„ Β He even called her his Queen! πŸ’“

Jeff doesn’t call ME his bloody Queen – after 13 years, let alone 3 days – although to be fair I’m allowed to handle the Crown Jewels on a Friday night after a Chinese takeaway 😜😜

Meanwhile fourth born was practicing her spellings for this week. Β For each word she had to make a sentence. Β One of her words was “Happily” her sentence went as follows:

I happily helped my friend do IT’S homework 😳

I hope IT was very appreciative! 😜😜

Have a good day folks, I’m off for a lie down!