Category Archives: embarrassing moments

Three legged donkey is back!😜

Thank you folks for still giving me the odd few likes, follows and comments 😜 I know that following me recently is like following a three legged donkey!

However I’m still here, although I did have trouble logging on to WordPress – it just kept logging me out – I’m sure I heard some sniggers and a few mutterings of “You’re having a fucking laugh trying to get back on here – after dumping us for so long” 😜

What can I say – my mojo has taken a bit of a beating lately for various reasons and I’ve had loads happening – some good and some not so good but my mojo is no longer a mofo and I’m back again!

I hope you’re all ok and I look forward to catching up on your blogs 😊 We’re off to the Christmas Party for the kids at Jeff’s works tomorrow – it involves a Pantomime and a visit to Santa – although I’m not sure they are convinced anymore of how genuine this Santa is – mainly because fourth born said he was picking his nose last year! 😳 and no doubt she’ll tell him this year ………….

I’ll let you know how it goes 😜

Plum πŸ’

Third born was telling us about another school girl who has a very well developed chest.

Fourth born looked on in interest and tried to pass some support to her sister by saying

“She only has big boobs because she’s a Plum!”

We both look at her confused

“Do you mean Plump Lana?” πŸ˜€

“Yes” she replied “that’s what I said, she’s a plum”

I’m now working my way to “Plum Status” as I type 😜

Somebody else’s child πŸ˜œ

You know how Mothers are supposed to recognise the cry or call of their offspring Β – even if they are blindfolded? Β Well,for some reason this skill never functioned for me πŸ˜„

Unless my child was screetching in my face or pulling at my boobs I never recognised their cries. Β Quite happily I would sit in the dreaded “Mom and Tot” groups thinking “Wish someone would pick that screaming child up” only to realised it was my screaming child! 😜

Well it would appear this skill is still redundant in me! πŸ˜„

It was teatime and I was stood with my back to the kitchen door cooking tea – yes I know, I know – unbelievable I know but I do visit the kitchen to cook every now and again 😜

I heard a little voice behind me which said “I’m just going …….”

Without missing a beat or turning around I interrupted with “You’re NOT going anywhere! Β Dinner is nearly ready, you have homework to do, now go back upstairs and finish it!” 😳

A little voice nervously said “But I have to go home now Lisa, my Mom is expecting me!” 😳

It wasn’t my child – it was somebody else’s child. Β Somebody else’s very frightened child – who clearly thought I was holding her hostage! πŸ˜„

 

Car Wash :)

We drove over the visit Jeff’s brother last Sunday.Β  We passed a car wash with a sign outside – it said “Best hand job for miles” πŸ™‚

Jeff nearly crashed the car when he did an emergency stop!! πŸ™‚

What made it even funnier was when Jeff told his brother – and his brother innocentlyΒ said “They’re pretty good, I use them all the time” πŸ™‚

How to impress πŸ˜œ

I like to surprise Jeff every now and again πŸ˜„ like yesterday, whilst chatting in the garden I reached up my trouser leg and whipped out a pair of knickers that had got left in there from the day before 😜😜😜

I believe what impressed him was the thought they were the ones I were currently wearing – I knew he was impressed when he looked astounded and said “What the fuck!!!” πŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒπŸ˜ƒ

Football Warning …….. :)

3rd born came home from school yesterday.Β  She fell in the doorway laughing, and tried to tell us something funny that had happened at school, but couldn’t catch her breath laughing so much.Β  After much calming down she told us her class were learning human development and sex education!

How they went about this was to hand out “true or false” statements.Β  The pupils had to read out the statement and then discuss whether is was true or false.

The one that had reduced my daughter, and her classmates, to near hysterics was as follows:

“Can a male control an erection?”

One of the boys replied that No, it couldn’t be controlled as it had happened to him – whilst he was watching Manchester United play at Wembley Stadium – the excitement had got too much for him!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

So gentlemen – if you happen to be watching the European Championship Football taking place at the moment – be warned ………… πŸ™‚

Every picture tells a story πŸ˜œ

I like looking at photos and putting captions by the side.

I was looking through my sister in laws photos, I spotted a photo of her husband, laid in bed. Β “He’s clearly got that “just got laid” ok about him” I smirk πŸ˜›

“Hope not” she replied “in that photo he had been on a ship with 30 other ex-army male colleagues!”

Ooops! 😜😜

Dog Poo! πŸ’©

Hahahahahahahaha – look at that little emoji of poo πŸ˜„πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

Moving swiftly along – I took my little Peppa for her walk this morning and was disgusted by the amount of dog poo that still doesn’t get picked up by owners. Β For crying out loud, in this day and age why on earth do people not pick up their dog poo – it makes me so mad!

It’s a serious thing to be caught not picking up after your dog, along with a heavy fine. Β Every single coat in our household has pockets filled with poo bags 😁 I live in fear of ever leaving the house without my little bags – I may forget to take the dog – but never ever the poo bags 😳 Β I’ve only ever forgotten once, when she was a puppy. Β She decided to conquer her fear of doing a poo and chose to do it right outside the school gate! Β Hundreds of eyes glared at me, parents taking their little children into school, in their little shiny shoes, and there was my little dog, grunting away in happiness. Β I felt in my pocket – NO FUCKING POO BAG!!!!

I was tempted to pick it up with my bare hands – so big are my morals on this subject – but I improvised and made Lana empty her sandwiches out of the sandwich bag and picked up the poo with the sandwich bag πŸ˜„ Β I’ve never ever forgotten again!

When I take Peppa out she always runs miles ahead of me chasing her ball. Β As soon as I see her squatting – I’m like a homing pigeon – running along, not taking my eyes off where she’s deposited her poo. Β When I arrive at the destination I scan the area – she’s only a little Jack Russell so her poo is small. Β I nearly crawl on hands and knees to find it – because I’m so bloody scared someone will think I’ve not picked it up and fine me! Β I’m abit of a nervous wreck when she does a poo in our garden in case the Dog Β Poo Police fine me!

So how the hell do people get away with not picking it up – why does nobody ever see these mysterious dog owners who quite happily let their dogs poo on a school field, where the children walk across and play? Β I’m going to find them and make them clean my wellie boots – I trod in dog poo this morning! 😠