For God’s Sake Eat a Salad :)

I have not a clue where my expanding waistline has come from – no really, I have no idea!  I’m thinking its muscle rather than fat, because I am strong and can carry 4 large bottles of lambrini and two tubs of vanilla ice cream all by myself 🙂

I’m actually happy with my weight gain.  I’m loving my new Beyoncé Arse and rather impressive boobs – course now the weather has improved and the shorts have reared their ugly head again, I’ve noticed my legs are looking somewhat chunky – it doesn’t help that they are always covered up – so they look like two large milk bottles hanging from my arse – but hey ho! 🙂

I’ve come to the conclusion that this is natures plan for me now – this is obviously the shape I’m meant to be at this stage of my life 🙂

I was explaining this strange weight gain with a friend the other week.  She offered me a caramel digestive biscuit and I happily accepted before I could even take a bite of it – the button flew off my jeans 🙂 🙂 I still can’t understand why I’m gaining weight ……………. 🙂

Banana Bread 🍌🍌🍌

Meanwhile back to the here and now ………..

A trip to the shop last night – to buy more butter, more castor sugar – an hour messing about in the kitchen – on a school night – making a bloody mess – an hour in the oven – making banana bread – that I don’t even like 😳

All because I had 3 bananas I didn’t want to chuck in the bin! 😜

Chicken or fish? 😄

Fourth born gave a dramatic sigh “I can’t eat anymore of my dinner, I’m full up”

As she starts to scurry away to the kitchen I stop her “Show me your plate” I said “I want to see how much you’ve eaten”

She brings over her plate “I’ve eaten my broccoli and carrots and nearly all my chicken”

Chicken??? “You didn’t have any chicken – you had Fish” 😄

“That’s why I can’t eat my chicken – it tastes like Fish!!!”

 

What`s a little weight gain? :)

Poor Jeff, he`s in unknown territory at the moment.  Never before has he had to cope with a wife who has gained weight 🙂

Therefore he has to learn that it is not Ok to

a) grab what`s hanging over the top of my jeans

b) joke about me trying to squeeze into aforementioned jeans

c) snort with laughter as I cram custard creams into my gob

*I am beautiful, I am gorgeous, I am worthy, I will resume normal weight again very soon*

That’s better, I will now assist Jeff up off the floor and give him a bag of frozen peas for his swollen eye 🙂

I’m sexy and I know it 🙂

Off you trot 2015 …..

I always tend to get rather nostalgic at the end of the year.  I begin to reminisce about all the happy occasions and then the sad – mentally making resolutions to better myself in the coming year, being more kind, tolerant and understanding of myself and others ……..😇

What a load of old bollocks – all I’m interested in at New Year is how much lambrini I can consume without falling over and showing my knickers and how many Pringles and pork pies I can eat before I vow New Year, New Diet 😜

Actually I’m happy to see the back of this year.  I do usually try to do a review of the year but to be honest, losing my lovely, kind and gentle Mom overshadows anything else.  I hope she’s happy up there and no longer suffering with her poor little hands and legs.  I wonder if she’s found my Dad in the local pub – I’m assuming they have a “local” up there and whether she chucked another Christmas dinner at him coz he’d been at the bloody pub instead of coming home for dinner 😄 I miss her so much still – but we’re all doing fine – of course we are – we belonged to her xx

As a consequence I suffered quite a lot this year with my Colitis, obviously triggered by the stress of losing Mom – by June I was on a mega dose of steroids – which in turn helped me grow a rather impressive beard – I  had to turn down the chance of appearing on The Worlds Strongest Man programme – due to a commitment to appearing as a guest on the Teletubbies 😜

Anyway I wish you all a Happy New Year – thank you for reading and sharing – 2016 – brings it on 🎊🎉🎇🎆

Eating my way to the end of the world 😜🎉🎊🍔🍟🍰

“When is the end of the world?” asked 4th born aged 7

“Pardon????”

“The end of the world – what day this week?”

“Do you mean the end of the year?”

“Yeah, that’s it!” 😂😂😂

On that happy note i hope you all enjoyed your Christmas and now eagerly awaiting the End of the World – sorry – End of the Year celebrations before the return to work, school and normality.  Working in the Care Industry my working life has continued as per normal – pity my eating habits haven’t followed suit 😳

I honestly don’t know what it is about holidays that make me think I can  happily eat lemon cheesecake at 7.30am – my greedy little troll on my shoulder shrieks “it’s Christmas – of course you can eat the sodding cheesecake – and while you’re at it – shove some barbecue Pringles in for good measure” 😜

This is all whilst trying to teach 3rd and 4th born good eating habits – whilst I’m pinching handfuls of jelly babies from their secret Christmas stash 😄

Last year’s Christmas eating habits should have taught me a lesson.  I rang 1st born for a chat

“I’m eating pork pie and penis for breakfast” I chortled down the phone 😃

“WTF Mother!!!”

It would appear that with a mouthful of PEANUTS – I couldn’t talk properly either! 😁😁

I’m sure I will get back to my normal eating habits very soon – hopefully before I run out clothes that fit 🐷🐷