Category Archives: “blogging”

New beginnings, new loves! πŸ˜œ

Hope you’re all well. Β It’s been a tad manic the past fortnight with third born starting secondary school and fourth born having a mini meltdown now her big sister is no longer in the same school 😁 but we are getting there!

Third born is absolutely loving her new school and has settled brilliantly, although I think a certain young lad in her form has made the world a sunnier place in her eyes 😍

She had only been there 2 days when he asked her out – by the 4th day his words of devotion went along the lines of – how much he loved her, how beautiful she was, how she had completed his life – did I mention they are both 11 years old πŸ˜„πŸ˜„ Β He even called her his Queen! πŸ’“

Jeff doesn’t call ME his bloody Queen – after 13 years, let alone 3 days – although to be fair I’m allowed to handle the Crown Jewels on a Friday night after a Chinese takeaway 😜😜

Meanwhile fourth born was practicing her spellings for this week. Β For each word she had to make a sentence. Β One of her words was “Happily” her sentence went as follows:

I happily helped my friend do IT’S homework 😳

I hope IT was very appreciative! 😜😜

Have a good day folks, I’m off for a lie down!

Mary, Mary – quite contrary ……….

Men often complain that they can never understand us women. Β I’m beginning to think they have a point! πŸ˜ƒ

How I behave each and every day is governed by whether I’m in a good mood and loving the world or whether I’m in a shit mood and cross with everything! Β However, like the weather, my mood and attitude can change by the hour! πŸ˜„

Take the other weekend as I’m leaving the house to go to work

“You don’t have to do anything today Jeff, leave the washing up and tidying up, just have a nice day with the girls” I beamed πŸ˜„

Me, as I return from work

“Did you actually do anything in the way of housework today Jeffrey?” 😑

I horrify myself sometimes – infact I would probably divorce myself under these circumstances 😳

Still never mind – it keeps him on his toes! πŸ˜„

Swept away in the moment πŸ˜œ

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That’s why you’ll always find me in the kitchen at parties!😳

Someone left the outside door open at work last night and the laundry room was full of Daddy Long Legs! 😳

As I was sweeping the floor I realised they were all in pairs – shagging! Β I had accidently gate-crashed a Daddy Long Legs “Over 30’s Orgy” 😳 For the record – I’m fairly sure it was an “Over 30’s Orgy” as they were showing extreme experience and expertise in their positioning! πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰

You have to hand it to them though – they never batted an eye-lid and carried on regardless – as I swept them into the dustpan! πŸ˜ƒ

Trust ❀️

“I have a new locker at school” declares fourth born πŸ˜ƒ

“That’s nice” I reply “Does it lock?”

“No, it doesn’t” she informs me 😳

“Oh that’s not very good then. Β What’s to stop someone from taking your things from your locker?”

“Why would someone do that?” she asks me looking shocked at the thought 😨

“It’s my locker so no one would take my things, they belong to me!” ❀️

I hope her innocence, trust and honesty never wavers and it will break my heart the day she realises that not everyone has the same morals as her kind little heart xx

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Somebody else’s child πŸ˜œ

You know how Mothers are supposed to recognise the cry or call of their offspring Β – even if they are blindfolded? Β Well,for some reason this skill never functioned for me πŸ˜„

Unless my child was screetching in my face or pulling at my boobs I never recognised their cries. Β Quite happily I would sit in the dreaded “Mom and Tot” groups thinking “Wish someone would pick that screaming child up” only to realised it was my screaming child! 😜

Well it would appear this skill is still redundant in me! πŸ˜„

It was teatime and I was stood with my back to the kitchen door cooking tea – yes I know, I know – unbelievable I know but I do visit the kitchen to cook every now and again 😜

I heard a little voice behind me which said “I’m just going …….”

Without missing a beat or turning around I interrupted with “You’re NOT going anywhere! Β Dinner is nearly ready, you have homework to do, now go back upstairs and finish it!” 😳

A little voice nervously said “But I have to go home now Lisa, my Mom is expecting me!” 😳

It wasn’t my child – it was somebody else’s child. Β Somebody else’s very frightened child – who clearly thought I was holding her hostage! πŸ˜„

 

Seaside and donkeys πŸ˜œ

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Not quite a Donkey – but close! πŸ˜„

The Gardiner Family have returned from their trip to the seaside πŸ˜„

Isn’t it amazing how two days away is all it takes to restore you to a peaceful, relaxed state! Β The weather was beautiful and to just lie on a sandy beach, listening to the waves and the seagulls calling was bliss 😍

I’m making that all up πŸ˜„ “relaxed and peaceful” doesn’t go arm in arm with a long car journey to the coast with the girls in the back of the car! πŸ˜ƒ Β The weather was lovely though and we all got a little tan – me on my ears and half my neck – Jeff on one calf and third born a small patch on her chest – fourth born was spared!

Of course it wouldn’t be a “Gardiner Holiday” without some hiccups 😜 Β Fourth born getting her hair caught in the “high performance” hand drier and having to be physically extracted was an experience as was the Β£70 parking ticket Jeff collected for not conforming to the parking regulations πŸ˜„

As always my children keep me entertained with their constant questioning about various things and their complete “We haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about Mom” 😜

On the last day I said I wanted to visit a Donkey Sanctuary.

“What do you want to do that for” asked third born in horror “All the donkeys will be dead!” πŸ˜•

“Of course they won’t” I replied “they may be old but a Sanctuary is where they are looked after and cared for!”

“Oh – I thought you said Cemetery – not Sanctuary!” πŸ˜•

We didn’t go after all – the moment was lost …….. πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

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Happy Hollibobs πŸ˜ƒ

I’m now on my Hollibobs – a whole week off from work πŸ˜ƒ A whole week off to do all those shitty jobs you don’t have time to do normally!

I went shopping for Arowyn’s birthday this morning and the store assistant asked if I was interested in buying some oven cleaner they were promoting 😳 How the fuck did she know?????? Β Of course I laughed and laughed and snorted my “no thanks!” πŸ˜ƒ

We are hoping to go to the seaside for a few days next week. Β After the last two years of me being in charge of booking us “cheap” mini breaks – Jeff has forbidden me to book anything again 😜

Last year I booked us into Pontins Holiday Camp. Β I hadn’t been to a holiday camp since I was a child and I’m pretty sure we stayed in exactly the same chalet, the same, undated, undecorated, grubby chalet. Β We had to sleep with one leg on the floor to stop the faux leather pull out bed from wobbling. Β The club-house was like a scene from the Jeremy Kyle show – infact we nearly had to appear on the Jeremy Kyle Show on our return as Jeff threatened to leave me for putting him through such trauma 😜 I personally thought it was great fun and the icing on the cake was the pool being closed – due to a child having a poo in it! Β Now I know this is what happens I intend to poo in every pool I go to so I don’t have to take the girls swimming! πŸ˜ƒ

The year before that was a cheap hotel in Bournemouth. Β Anyone remember Faulty Towers? Β An overflowing shower, a broken toilet seat and us in the middle of a group of rowdy young men enjoying a Stag Do – actually I rather enjoyed that bit! 😜

Anyway Jeff is in charge of sorting out our holiday – he hasn’t actually booked anywhere yet – so we’re probably going to be sleeping in the car! 😳

Anyway happy Hollibobs to me – can’t wait! πŸ˜€πŸ˜€