So I accidently say “bloody hell” Lana gives me a right telling off and tells me I must apologise – so I do 😳
Meanwhile Jeff is doing some drilling and the drill slips – he says “Fuck” and Lana proceeds to roll on the floor laughing hysterically 😳
Now where the fuck is my Halo?
So it went abit like this …….😄
I give fourth born her tea, she only eats half of it and declares she’s not hungry. I send her back and tell her she must eat some more. I then catch her chucking it in the bin! She gets a big telling off, starving children were mentioned and I tell her she will have nothing else to eat this evening – she doesn’t care, she’s not hungry 😛
Two hours later we are dropping third born off at Scouts and the conversation goes as follows:
“Mommy I’m hungry” 😳
“Tough Lana, you should have eaten your tea”
“I wasn’t hungry then but I’m hungry now. Can I have something from the shop?”
“No”
“You can’t starve me you know!” 😄
I don’t reply, I just sigh heavily
“You’re naughty, you are, it’s not nice to starve your little child”
At this point I start howling with laughter “Go and tell a policeman then” 😄
“I will” she replies
At this point I offer to take her to the police station – she agrees this is the best course of action ……..
I do a swift U turn and head back into Town
“You do realise they may lock me up for not feeding you don’t you?”
“Yes” she replies 😳
“How will you get home if they lock me up?”
“I’ll walk home or ring Daddy, he’ll feed me!” 😄
At this point it becomes a battle of wills and stubbornness
I pull up opposite the police station and we get out of the car
“Are we really going in there?” she asks looking not the slightest bit worried
“Yep” I reply and march up to the glass door ……..
My dear little daughter waited until I had my hand on the door before a little voice said
“I’m sorry” ❤️
We get back into the car, she taps me gently on my knee and says “I’m still hungry” 😜😜
I took fourth born into Town shopping. She refused point blank to wear a jumper and insisted on wearing shorts despite being told it was cold outside!
I’m all for children learning the hard way – so what exactly did she learn?
She learnt that if she whimpered like a beaten abandoned puppy for long enough and shivered like she was having a seizure – I would give her my bloody jumper to wear! 😳😳
No no no – not me! 😜 I know damn well I have to wax! It’s other household members I’m concerned about …….
Fourth born had a very interesting day with her beau Tristan, aka “Tripe” I called them down for their eggy bread – they seemed to take ages to come down the stairs.
They came into the kitchen, I passed Lana her plate, and did a double take ……
“What have you done to your face?” I asked her. She had two red rectangle shapes on her little cheeks
“Nothing” she replied
I touched the red marks – they were sticky – like wax!
WAX!!!!!
“Have you been playing with my wax strips?” 😁
Her response was to hold up her leg – with the trouser leg stuck to it – more bloody wax!
Upstairs in the bathroom – wax strips stuck to the floor, to the mirror and one dangling from the door handle 😳
But more to the point – I will now be combing my legs – and – um – other bits – for the time being 😳
This is the question? 😳
I’ve just got my washing in off the line, folded it and put it away without ironing anything 😳
Does this mean I’ve finally come to my senses? Or does it mean I’m becoming a slutty housewife? 😜
So I began my day by putting cellotape across my children’s bedroom doors. I’m such a child and because I was snorting and chuckling away to myself as I did it I managed to wake the girls up 😄
I then decided to up the game and placed tin foil over the toilet seat – not as effective as cling film but was fun! The girls continued with bronze face pack on their brothers door handle and shaving foam all over the toilet seats 😄
I text Jeff and told him Chris’ new flat had burnt to the ground, therefore he was staying with us indefinitely – he didn’t fall for it though – just told me to get the tent out for him! I then text Chris and told him I was going to replace him with 2 micropigs – he believed me! 🐷🐷
I wasn’t “had” at all – but then I slept all morning.
If anyone wants to see the video of 3rd born discovering the cellotape its on my facebook – I haven’t figured how to put anything on here – apart from my waffling 😄 I’ll add any of you – I’m a bit slutty like that 😜
I hope you’ve all had a fun day. It’s my weekend off – woohoo! So have a great weekend 😄
Hi all 😃 hope everyone is looking forward to the long weekend, celebrating whatever it is you chose to celebrate 😃
Today dawned the school Easter Fete – always a great favourite with the kids. A chance for them to buy back all the stuff you donated on the quiet! A chance to have their faces painted so you need sandpaper to scrub it off! A chance to win an Easter Egg in the raffle – which 4th born managed to do – by hanging around the teacher pulling out the tickets – and drooling! And also the chance to enter the “Decorate an Easter Egg” competition – which basically means another chance for me to epically fail as a parent – because I refuse to participate 😳
Any of you who read my blog should know by now how crap I am in the arts and crafts department so this shouldn’t come as a big surprise 😄 but there is another reason and it’s basically to punish my children for a past mistake they made when they first started Primary School.
To be fair, they were only babies at 4 and 6 years old and they begged to decorate eggs for the competition. Now because I’m rather fond of the offspring I relented. We went to Hell – sorry Hobbycraft – and bought a cartload of arty crafty Easter things and set out to do the eggs.
Now I threw myself into this mission – and 4 bloody hours later and a dozen eggs later, because they kept cracking – the girls had decorated their eggs – with glitter, feathers, little fluffy chicks, sequins and anything else they could lay their little sticky fingers on!
The kitchen looked like Mr Maker had had a seizure – glitter everywhere, bits all over the floor, the apples in the fruit bowl were glued together – what a mess – but the end result was – well compared to others – pretty mediocre – but they had their eggs for the next day! 😊
I proudly placed the eggs in their little egg boxes all ready for the morning. I felt like a pretty awesome Mother. Yes, just like all the other dutiful Mothers who do these wonderful, time consuming activities with their darling children! 😀
I could hear the girls downstairs the next morning. I made my way downstairs and suddenly stopped in my tracks ……….. What was that awful smell???! 😳 It was a strong eggy smell …….
I ran into the kitchen to find the girls had started breakfast …..
They had decided to have hard boiled eggs – cold – they had shelled and were eating my creations …………… 😳
Hahahahahahahaha – look at that little emoji of poo 😄😄😄
Moving swiftly along – I took my little Peppa for her walk this morning and was disgusted by the amount of dog poo that still doesn’t get picked up by owners. For crying out loud, in this day and age why on earth do people not pick up their dog poo – it makes me so mad!
It’s a serious thing to be caught not picking up after your dog, along with a heavy fine. Every single coat in our household has pockets filled with poo bags 😁 I live in fear of ever leaving the house without my little bags – I may forget to take the dog – but never ever the poo bags 😳 I’ve only ever forgotten once, when she was a puppy. She decided to conquer her fear of doing a poo and chose to do it right outside the school gate! Hundreds of eyes glared at me, parents taking their little children into school, in their little shiny shoes, and there was my little dog, grunting away in happiness. I felt in my pocket – NO FUCKING POO BAG!!!!
I was tempted to pick it up with my bare hands – so big are my morals on this subject – but I improvised and made Lana empty her sandwiches out of the sandwich bag and picked up the poo with the sandwich bag 😄 I’ve never ever forgotten again!
When I take Peppa out she always runs miles ahead of me chasing her ball. As soon as I see her squatting – I’m like a homing pigeon – running along, not taking my eyes off where she’s deposited her poo. When I arrive at the destination I scan the area – she’s only a little Jack Russell so her poo is small. I nearly crawl on hands and knees to find it – because I’m so bloody scared someone will think I’ve not picked it up and fine me! I’m abit of a nervous wreck when she does a poo in our garden in case the Dog Poo Police fine me!
So how the hell do people get away with not picking it up – why does nobody ever see these mysterious dog owners who quite happily let their dogs poo on a school field, where the children walk across and play? I’m going to find them and make them clean my wellie boots – I trod in dog poo this morning! 😠
When I first ventured into the blogging world I had a browse at various other sites, trying to familiarise and educate myself as to how to go about blogging.
I happened to stumble across a very well known Parenting Site, that also had a blogging section. The first post I came across was from a “Virgin blogger” like myself. She had done a post featuring a poem she had written about her baby and the pros and cons of leaving a baby to self soothe. It was very twee and slightly mushy, not everyone’s cup of tea, but certainly not offensive – or so I thought!
She was absolutely slaughtered by other mothers! I was gobsmacked. She had even made a point of saying this was her very first attempt at blogging and there was in excess of nearly 100 posts, with the majority accusing this girl of implying that if you left your baby to self soothe you were a bad mother! This girl apologised profusely over and over again saying she didn’t mean to cause offence to anyone – but they continued regardless. It was bloody horrible. I wasn’t a member of this group, so was unable to even pipe up with just a few words of support. Had this been me I don’t think I would have ever felt confident to post anything ever again. Simply bullying at its worst – by other mothers!
I have to say that since I started blogging on WordPress I’ve been blown away by how lovely people are here. I’ve never seen any signs of nastiness or horrible comments. I read posts that I may not agree with – if that’s the case, I just scroll past and it would appear others do the same. All the comments are polite, interesting and supportive, which makes so much difference. It’s great to have a healthy debate and to hear others opinions which may differ from your own but no need for anything rude or abusive.
So basically you lovely people out there, thank you, thank you, for every supportive word and comment you’ve sent to me. I know there are others who would totally agree.
If you have nothing nice to say – don’t say anything at all 😊
Do you get offended by bad language? Does it have an impact on what you’re reading? Does it give you an bad impression of someone? Do you think it makes someone appear less intelligent and unable to express themselves without the need to swear?
Personally it doesn’t trouble me and doesn’t give me any negative impressions – I tend to act like a naughty child when I hear and say the F word 😃
I had a conversation with my in-laws the other night. They do read my blog and fortunately are broad-minded enough not to be offended by my language. As it happens I don’t swear generally, certainly not infront of the girls. Jeff and their older brothers, who all work in a predominantly male environment, all quite regularly swear – but I don’t 😇
I guess this is my outlet and sometimes only the F word will do!
I hate bad language on children and I have never heard my girls utter any profanities – we’ll certainly not infront of us. I sometimes imagine them going into school, seeing their teacher and saying “how the fuck you doing Miss?” “We’re not doing those bastard fractions again are we?” 😳
kidscrumbsandcrackers 