Three legged donkey is back!😜

Thank you folks for still giving me the odd few likes, follows and comments 😜 I know that following me recently is like following a three legged donkey!

However I’m still here, although I did have trouble logging on to WordPress – it just kept logging me out – I’m sure I heard some sniggers and a few mutterings of “You’re having a fucking laugh trying to get back on here – after dumping us for so long” 😜

What can I say – my mojo has taken a bit of a beating lately for various reasons and I’ve had loads happening – some good and some not so good but my mojo is no longer a mofo and I’m back again!

I hope you’re all ok and I look forward to catching up on your blogs 😊 We’re off to the Christmas Party for the kids at Jeff’s works tomorrow – it involves a Pantomime and a visit to Santa – although I’m not sure they are convinced anymore of how genuine this Santa is – mainly because fourth born said he was picking his nose last year! 😳 and no doubt she’ll tell him this year ………….

I’ll let you know how it goes 😜

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Compassion and kindness

I really can’t bear seeing videos of folk on Facebook “doing good deeds” like handing out clothes or food to the homeless and less fortunate.

Who are they doing it for?  Do they really think that person wants to be splashed all over Social Media?  Maybe all they have left is a little pride and self-respect – which is torn away when they are used in this way!

Please don’t stop giving – don’t stop caring – but do it from the heart.

Show you care via fund raising, which raises awareness and inspires others to do the same.

Do it simply because you care about your fellow man.

Do it because you feel compassion.

Do it because you have a roof over your head and food in your tummy.

Please don’t do it for praise or for “likes” on Facebook – because when you do – you cheapen the act of kindness.

Improvisation 😂😂

I’m so glad my daughter can improvise with the items she has to hand! 😜

I’m just dying here 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Trust ❤️

“I have a new locker at school” declares fourth born 😃

“That’s nice” I reply “Does it lock?”

“No, it doesn’t” she informs me 😳

“Oh that’s not very good then.  What’s to stop someone from taking your things from your locker?”

“Why would someone do that?” she asks me looking shocked at the thought 😨

“It’s my locker so no one would take my things, they belong to me!” ❤️

I hope her innocence, trust and honesty never wavers and it will break my heart the day she realises that not everyone has the same morals as her kind little heart xx

Over-protective? 😜

Third born recently had a new love interest 😄 A really nice lad, who called for her after school, held her hand and dutifully walked her back to the garden on her return.

I’m only guessing – but I think he was trying to impress her on his skateboard and went arse over tit, scraping his sweet little face along the gravel path and bending his glasses.  She helped him up and walked him back to his house for his Mom to deal with.

She came home and told me all about it, she even took photos to show his injuries which I questioned- but apparently he needed proof of his injuries to show his friends 😄

“His Mom was very nice” she informed me “but she was a little over-protective”

“Why do you say that?” I asked her

“Well she felt all his limbs, asked him if he needed to go to A and E and generally seemed really over protective”

I smiled at her sweetly “That’s what Mom’s do when their children are hurt” 😍

She looked at me in amusement “You don’t ” she said “You just shove a plaster on, give us a spoonful of Calpol and send us back out to play” 😳😳

Oh …………… 😳

My naughty little sister :)

How to impress 😜

I like to surprise Jeff every now and again 😄 like yesterday, whilst chatting in the garden I reached up my trouser leg and whipped out a pair of knickers that had got left in there from the day before 😜😜😜

I believe what impressed him was the thought they were the ones I were currently wearing – I knew he was impressed when he looked astounded and said “What the fuck!!!” 😃😃😃

Bloody sodding loan phone! 😳

I’ve still got my loan phone from phone company whilst mine is, hopefully, being mended.  Not only is it crap but it got me into trouble earlier today! 😳

Firstly I must stress I am the most inoffensive and non- confrontational person ever.  I am placid and laid back and would never intentionally offend anyone.  However today I managed to stir up the biggest load of shite to a complete stranger due to my crappy loan phone!😕

What I tried to do was access a draft message I had saved and send it – what I actually ended up doing was sending another draft message, stored on phone previously by another customer!

I’m too traumatised to remember it word for word but it was along the lines of referring to someone’s other half as a “toothless halfwit” 😳

Needless to say I then received a message from the recipient asking who I was.  I explained what had happened and duly apologised – meanwhile Jeff is rolling around the floor laughing 😜 instead of leaving it at that I then get into a conversation with this person, where he assures me his missus has a good set of teeth – and I agree that is probably the case 😜

I don’t think social media is my friend at the moment – I’m off to the library ……………. 😁

 

Sex in the 1960’s 😃😃😃

I thought I would share with you an extract from a sex education school textbook for girls, printed in the 1960’s in the UK and explains why men in 2016 get, ahem – “excited” at football! 😜

 

“When retiring to the bedroom, prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible.  Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance, your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom, as he would have to do for his train.  But remember to look your best when going to bed.  Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious (No legs in the air girls) 😜 If you need to apply face cream, or hair rollers wait until he’s asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night.  When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him.

If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it (just grab what’s in the bedside drawer and do it yourself!) 😜 In all things be led by your husbands wishes, do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy (Do not shove your booty anywhere near his nether regions) 😜 Should your husband suggest congress then agree humbly all the while being mindful that a man’s satisfaction is more important than a woman’s ( No shouting out “I haven’t bloody finished yet!”) 😜 When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment you may have had (Again, no screaming or yelling out “Faster and Harder you stud!”) 😜

Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent (No screetching “you want to put it where!”) 😮 It is likely your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your night time face and hair care products.

You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning.  This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes.” (Not the usual, your bloody turn to make the tea!”) 😜

Altogether now girls 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Psychic bonds 😄

I’m currently on “Night 6” of 6 nightshifts in a row – and boy am I feeling it!  I don’t normally do this many together but took the overtime to refill the penny pot that got drastically emptied by Peppa’s operation and phantom birth of tennis balls last month!

Nightshifts do suit me – but it is essential I get sufficient sleep during the day otherwise I tend to have the brain of a Rocking Horse!

Since I was a child I’ve always been a tad strange on the sleeping front.  I was a terrible sleepwalker and sleeptalker – infact my Mom used to say I spoke in a different language whilst sleep talking – which seems rather ironic – seeing as it took me 2 years to learn 3 sentences on my Italian course! 😜

When I’m seriously sleep deprived now I don’t talk a different language – I talk complete and utter shite! 😜  In fact if I type anything whilst on a nightshift I tend to re-read what a written the following day with some trepidation 😳

Yesterday whilst asleep, I stirred after only a couple of hours sleep and thought I heard first born in the house.  I called his name a few times but he didn’t respond.  I wasn’t surprised – the whole household know that if I call anyone from my bed – it’s to demand a cup of tea!  I assumed he was pretending not to hear me! 😳

Not to be outdone – I ring his mobile and he picks up.

“Hey, it’s meeeee” I tell him “what are you up to, pretending you can’t hear me calling you!  Can I have a cup of tea?” 😀

“I’m not there Mom, I’m at my place”

“No you’re not” I inform him “I heard you calling me!”

“Mother, I’m at my place, doing my ironing.  I didn’t call you – you’re still asleep and talking shite!” 😄  (he knows me very well!)

“Ah it’s our psychic bond” I tell him “subconsciously you need me don’t you?” 😳

“No Mom” he says with a sigh “I don’t subconsciously need you – go back to bloody sleep!”

“It’s your brother then, he’s psychically calling me – he must need me, gotta go – bye” ……….

I then promptly fell back to sleep without any recollection of having a conversation with him! 😜