Loss 😞

For 40 years you have been my step-dad.  You were never a major influence in my life but then, to be fair, I had my wonderful Mom to give me all the positive influence I could ever need, but you were always there, in the background.

You have always been a difficult man, but you were “our difficult man” and I have always understood and accepted why you were the way you were.

When we all lost Mom my sister broke all contact with you – saying she had only ever tolerated you because of Mom.  I couldn’t do that – I didn’t want to do that 😞  You were upset and confused at her actions, you didn’t understand.

You’ve been a lovely Grampy to the girls and a friend to the boys, again, they have accepted you for the way you are and have always shown you love and kindness.  You were there the night Lana was born and, along with Mom, you were the first family to hold her and meet your little granddaughter ❤️

Since Mom died, nearly 18 months ago, you and I have spent hours on the phone, both crying for our loss, supporting each other and reminiscing.  I’ve rang you every week to make sure you are ok, making sure you are eating regularly and inviting you over for for dinner and all those special occasions like birthdays, Christmas and Easter.  I know you have no other family and I knew Mom would have wanted us to maintain the relationship we have.

You stopped ringing me regularly a few months ago.  You stopped returning my calls.  You began to decline my invitations to come over and spend some time with us, saying you had made other plans.  I’m happy you are building a life without Mom, but does that mean we don’t fit into that life anymore?  When I spoke to you I told you that I worry about you when I don’t hear from you.  I’ve told you that I will drive over to make sure you’re not poorly.  I’ve also told you that you have my blessing to move on if you meet another companion,  you’re still young enough to love again.  I tell you your granddaughters miss “Grampy” and don’t understand why they don’t see you.  You forgot to ring and wish me or Cam a happy birthday.

I rang you today and you told me you were rushed to hospital last week, you’ve had cancer twice and you were experiencing terrible stomach pains.  They kept you in and then released you saying you were ok.  Why didn’t you ring me? You rang a neighbour to bring you home – instead of your family 😔 You were quite blasé about the whole thing replying “you couldn’t have done anything” but I could have cared and made sure you were ok.

I feel we’ve lost you, along with Mom, and that makes me so sad.