Monthly Archives: August 2016

Happy Hollibobs ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

I’m now on my Hollibobs – a whole week off from work ๐Ÿ˜ƒ A whole week off to do all those shitty jobs you don’t have time to do normally!

I went shopping for Arowyn’s birthday this morning and the store assistant asked if I was interested in buying some oven cleaner they were promoting ๐Ÿ˜ณ How the fuck did she know?????? ย Of course I laughed and laughed and snorted my “no thanks!” ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

We are hoping to go to the seaside for a few days next week. ย After the last two years of me being in charge of booking us “cheap” mini breaks – Jeff has forbidden me to book anything again ๐Ÿ˜œ

Last year I booked us into Pontins Holiday Camp. ย I hadn’t been to a holiday camp since I was a child and I’m pretty sure we stayed in exactly the same chalet, the same, undated, undecorated, grubby chalet. ย We had to sleep with one leg on the floor to stop the faux leather pull out bed from wobbling. ย The club-house was like a scene from the Jeremy Kyle show – infact we nearly had to appear on the Jeremy Kyle Show on our return as Jeff threatened to leave me for putting him through such trauma ๐Ÿ˜œ I personally thought it was great fun and the icing on the cake was the pool being closed – due to a child having a poo in it! ย Now I know this is what happens I intend to poo in every pool I go to so I don’t have to take the girls swimming! ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

The year before that was a cheap hotel in Bournemouth. ย Anyone remember Faulty Towers? ย An overflowing shower, a broken toilet seat and us in the middle of a group of rowdy young men enjoying a Stag Do – actually I rather enjoyed that bit! ๐Ÿ˜œ

Anyway Jeff is in charge of sorting out our holiday – he hasn’t actually booked anywhere yet – so we’re probably going to be sleeping in the car! ๐Ÿ˜ณ

Anyway happy Hollibobs to me – can’t wait! ๐Ÿ˜€๐Ÿ˜€


How to clear the men from the house ๐Ÿ˜„

This Friday will be my beautiful Arowyn’s 11th birthday โค๏ธ


Not only is this her birthday but it is also the night of her “House full of 11 year old girls sleepover” Remember this was what I agreed to whilst half asleep a few weeks ago! ๐Ÿ˜•

We have sleeping bags, face packs, make up, nail varnish, Dominos pizza, popcorn, movies and a chocolate fountain ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

We also have a mass exodus of the men in the household! ๐Ÿ˜„ Poor Jeff has begged to be allowed out with the boys. ย I think Jeff was hoping to be let off the hook and have a quiet game of pool and a pint but the boys have promised him a night on the Town at the local nightclub ๐Ÿ˜„

I intend to enjoy the solitude of my bedroom and my book – but I will supervise the chocolate fountain and make sure it’s working adequately ๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜œ

Have a lovely weekend folks!

Come back Jack ……. ๐Ÿ˜•

Fourth born was happily dunking her digestive biscuits in her mug of tea – she’s obviously my daughter! ๐Ÿ˜œ

I heard her cry out in dismay and then heard her crying into her tea. ย I ran up the stairs “What’s the matter sweetheart!” I ask her cuddling her little shaking form โค๏ธ

“My biscuit!” she cried!

I looked to see a soggy digestive floating dismally to the bottom of her tea.

“Don’t be daft Lana” I said trying not to laugh “It’s a biscuit, go and get another one”

She looked at me, gave a little sniff and replied sadly “It reminds me of Jack from Titanic ………………….. ”

I really did laugh then! ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„

Over-protective? ๐Ÿ˜œ

Third born recently had a new love interest ๐Ÿ˜„ A really nice lad, who called for her after school, held her hand and dutifully walked her back to the garden on her return.

I’m only guessing – but I think he was trying to impress her on his skateboard and went arse over tit, scraping his sweet little face along the gravel path and bending his glasses. ย She helped him up and walked him back to his house for his Mom to deal with.

She came home and told me all about it, she even took photos to show his injuries which I questioned- but apparently he needed proof of his injuries to show his friends ๐Ÿ˜„

“His Mom was very nice” she informed me “but she was a little over-protective”

“Why do you say that?” I asked her

“Well she felt all his limbs, asked him if he needed to go to A and E and generally seemed really over protective”

I smiled at her sweetly “That’s what Mom’s do when their children are hurt” ๐Ÿ˜

She looked at me in amusement “You don’t ” she said “You just shove a plaster on, give us a spoonful of Calpol and send us back out to play” ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ

Oh …………… ๐Ÿ˜ณ

Loss ๐Ÿ˜ž

For 40 years you have been my step-dad. ย You were never a major influence in my life but then, to be fair, I had my wonderful Mom to give me all the positive influence I could ever need, but you were always there, in the background.

You have always been a difficult man, but you were “our difficult man” and I have always understood and accepted why you were the way you were.

When we all lost Mom my sister broke all contact with you – saying she had only ever tolerated you because of Mom. ย I couldn’t do that – I didn’t want to do that ๐Ÿ˜ž ย You were upset and confused at her actions, you didn’t understand.

You’ve been a lovely Grampy to the girls and a friend to the boys, again, they have accepted you for the way you are and have always shown you love and kindness. ย You were there the night Lana was born and, along with Mom, you were the first family to hold her and meet your little granddaughter โค๏ธ

Since Mom died, nearly 18 months ago, you and I have spent hours on the phone, both crying for our loss, supporting each other and reminiscing. ย I’ve rang you every week to make sure you are ok, making sure you are eating regularly and inviting you over for for dinner and all those special occasions like birthdays, Christmas and Easter. ย I know you have no other family and I knew Mom would have wanted us to maintain the relationship we have.

You stopped ringing me regularly a few months ago. ย You stopped returning my calls. ย You began to decline my invitations to come over and spend some time with us, saying you had made other plans. ย I’m happy you are building a life without Mom, but does that mean we don’t fit into that life anymore? ย When I spoke to you I told you that I worry about you when I don’t hear from you. ย I’ve told you that I will drive over to make sure you’re not poorly. ย I’ve also told you that you have my blessing to move on if you meet another companion, ย you’re still young enough to love again. ย I tell you your granddaughters miss “Grampy” and don’t understand why they don’t see you. ย You forgot to ring and wish me or Cam a happy birthday.

I rang you today and you told me you were rushed to hospital last week, you’ve had cancer twice and you were experiencing terrible stomach pains. ย They kept you in and then released you saying you were ok. ย Why didn’t you ring me? You rang a neighbour to bring you home – instead of your family ๐Ÿ˜” You were quite blasรฉ about the whole thing replying “you couldn’t have done anything” but I could have cared and made sure you were ok.

I feel we’ve lost you, along with Mom, and that makes me so sad.


Kids nowadays ๐Ÿ˜ณ

Seriously, what is wrong with kids nowadays? ๐Ÿ˜ณ

I had 2 of Lana’s ย little boyfriends in the car the other day. ย I was playing a cd and turned it off as we pulled onto the driveway.

“Phew” said one of them

“What’s the matter” I asked the little 8 year old “Don’t you like my music?”

“I do Lisa” he replied “but you have it far too loud” ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„

It’s Led Zeppelin – of course it’s bloody loud! ๐Ÿ˜„๐ŸŽธ๐ŸŽค

Night time company ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

I’m a lone worker on a night shift. ย Having such a manic household I do like the peace and solitude of a night shift.

Most importantly I do my job, but in between I read and entertain myself – I rather like Me and laugh at all my own jokes, just in case no one else does! ๐Ÿ˜„

However I do get company sometimes. ย Tonight’s company is a frog ๐Ÿธ We get a lot of frogs in the building. ย I’m rather fond of them and usually try to catch them and put them outside, but this little one sat in the darkened corridor and I gave him an unintentional boot up the hallway ๐Ÿ˜ณ I was mortified but glad to say he appears none the worse for wear – I’m now worrying that he may be My Prince and he’s shit scared of me now and won’t stay still long enough for me to kiss him! ๐Ÿ˜œ

Saturday night’s company wasn’t quite so pleasant! ย Something caught my eye – a black “dinner plate” ran down the curtain ๐Ÿ‘€ I did attempt to try and catch this huge beast but he disappeared – and I spent the rest of my shift just knowing he was going to put on an appearance. ย When I told a colleague about it, she happily reassured me “I bet that was a Corn Spider” ๐Ÿ˜ณ Am I supposed to feel happy knowing that???? Am I supposed to feel reassured – now I know what sort of spider it was???

I’ve decided to name him Colin the Corn Spider in the hope this will lesson my terror of him ๐Ÿ˜ณ

Have a good week folks, hope the sun continues to shine โ˜€๏ธโ˜€๏ธ

Facing your fears ๐Ÿ˜ณ

I’m shit scared of horses.

Apologies to all you horsey folk. ย I have horsey friends, who I know look at me and “snort” – get it ๐Ÿ˜œ – with disgust at this statement. ย But there you have it.

3rd born seems to have taken a shine to these creatures and was telling me how much she enjoyed going up to the stables with a friend to help muck out and whatever else you have to do ๐Ÿ˜ณ

I confessed to her that I have always been frightened. ย I told her how I was badly bitten as a child – by a horse, not another child! ย It was possibly one of the very few times my Dad was in charge of me – and my hand nearly got bitten off! ย It was his/my fault – not the horses fault – but I was only 3 years old – as a consequence, he wasn’t allowed to take me out again and the only horses he came into contact with after that was at the Bookies ๐Ÿ˜„๐Ÿ˜„

After my confession to her I kind of expected her to, I dunno, be a little understanding or at least rather touched that I had shared my fear with her little kind heart ………. โค๏ธ

She looked at me with pity and said “Sometimes Mom, you have to just face your fears, instead of running away from them!!!!” ๐Ÿ˜จ

I had to nearly bite my tongue in half as I was tempted to remind her how I helped her “fight her fears” of

sleeping in her own bed

eating peas and reassuring her they wouldn’t grow in her tummy

having a poo on the potty – and no, she wouldn’t fall into the toilet

her first day of nursery and that I would return to get her

Oh there are so many more I could mention ๐Ÿ˜„

I think I’ve managed to get by ok so far without facing my fear of horses – and I’m rather fond of Donkeys and they’re nearly a horse – aren’t they? ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด