Monthly Archives: June 2016

Bloody sodding loan phone! ๐Ÿ˜ณ

I’ve still got my loan phone from phone company whilst mine is, hopefully, being mended. ย Not only is it crap but it got me into trouble earlier today! ๐Ÿ˜ณ

Firstly I must stress I am the most inoffensive andย non- confrontational person ever. ย I am placid and laid back and would never intentionally offend anyone. ย However today I managed to stir up the biggest load of shite to a complete stranger due to my crappy loan phone!๐Ÿ˜•

What I tried to do was access a draft message I had saved and send it – what I actually ended up doing was sending another draft message, stored on phone previously by another customer!

I’m too traumatised to remember it word for word but it was along the lines of referring to someone’s other half as a “toothless halfwit” ๐Ÿ˜ณ

Needless to say I then received a message from the recipient asking who I was. ย I explained what had happened and duly apologised – meanwhile Jeff is rolling around the floor laughing ๐Ÿ˜œ instead of leaving it at that I then get into a conversation with this person, where he assures me his missus has a good set of teeth – and I agree that is probably the case ๐Ÿ˜œ

I don’t think social media is my friend at the moment – I’m off to the library ……………. ๐Ÿ˜

 

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Is it safe?

Is it? Is it safe to venture back onto Social Media yet? ๐Ÿ˜ณ

It would appear that over the past couple of weeks Facebook has turned into a hunting ground, a place where friendships have torn apart, where insults have gathered momentum as our country split down the middle on the EU Referendum.

To be honest I kept my head down. ย Up till the last minute I was sitting on the fence – I watched all the debates, read as much as I could. ย Both camps made promises and insulted the other side. ย I then decided to put my decision in the hands of those I believed made sense and had more knowledge than myself – ie Martin Lewis ๐Ÿ˜€ I read somewhere that no one really knew what the repercussions would be of voting Brexit. ย Me, being a creature of habit, still having the same hairstyle I had in 1985, opted to “Stay” and play it safe – who knows what the future holds – and in the words of Forest Gump “That’s all I’m gonna say about that!” ๐Ÿ˜ณ

Meanwhile, it’s now week 2 with no Smart phone, which has hindered my internet access no end – however, I am now reading my 5th book and re-discovered the sheer joy of getting completely immersed in a great book! ๐Ÿ˜

It is also now week 3 with our little doggie guest, Peanut. ย I simply love this little dog ย ๐Ÿ˜ Our little dog Peppa gets on lovely with her even though Peppa acts like a spoilt baby when Peanut tries to sit on my lap also. ย Peanut can’t see very well and as a consequence walks head first into wheelie bins and lamp posts and falls off the kerb – she reminds me of myself after a couple of glasses of lambrini ๐Ÿ˜œ

I’m off to the hospital for a check up on my wrist today so Happy Hump Day to you all ๐Ÿ˜„

Busy, busy Bee :)

Bloody chaotic here at the moment.ย  The Summer Show for the girls takes place next week, so it has been non stop rehearsals, drama and costume change.ย  This will be a very special Summer Show as it will be 3rd born`s very last one at Primary School – cue emotional tearful mother ๐Ÿ˜ฆ No, no not because she is leaving Primary School but because I know she will be hitting puberty and becoming a moody, sassy teenager!

Also my phone decided to “die” on me and stop working.ย  Initially I was beside myself!ย  How the hell do I function without my phone?ย  How do I communicate?ย  Am I expected to “talk” to people?ย  But after 3 days I`ve kind of adapted and itย has been quite liberating not feeling like a slave to technology – I have also been reintroduced to my husband – he is rather nice when you get to know him ๐Ÿ™‚

The Phone Shop gave me a phone to borrow whilst they repair mine.ย  It is only 15 years old, a little “flip top” Samsung – I would show you a photo of it – but it doesn’t take photos …….. ๐Ÿ™‚ย  The girls were rather impressed – so impressed that they brought all their friends around to view my phone – they all laughed and laughed ๐Ÿ™‚

Night off tonight – so Game of Thrones it is ๐Ÿ™‚ย  I have a “thing” for Tyrian Lannister – Jeff is normally game for a bit of role play – but he refuses to indulge me and get on his knees ๐Ÿ™‚ย  Happy Tuesday Folks ๐Ÿ™‚

Sex in the 1960’s ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

I thought I would share with you an extract from a sex education school textbook for girls, printed in the 1960’s in the UK and explains why men in 2016 get, ahem – “excited” at football! ๐Ÿ˜œ

 

“When retiring to the bedroom, prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. ย Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance, your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom, as he would have to do for his train. ย But remember to look your best when going to bed. ย Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious (No legs in the air girls) ๐Ÿ˜œ If you need to apply face cream, or hair rollers wait until he’s asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night. ย When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him.

If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it (just grab what’s in the bedside drawer and do it yourself!) ๐Ÿ˜œ In all things be led by your husbands wishes, do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy (Do not shove your booty anywhere near his nether regions) ๐Ÿ˜œ Should your husband suggest congress then agree humbly all the while being mindful that a man’s satisfaction is more important than a woman’s ( No shouting out “I haven’t bloody finished yet!”) ๐Ÿ˜œ When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment you may have had (Again, no screaming or yelling out “Faster and Harder you stud!”) ๐Ÿ˜œ

Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent (No screetching “you want to put it where!”) ๐Ÿ˜ฎ It is likely your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your night time face and hair care products.

You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning. ย This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes.” (Not the usual, your bloody turn to make the tea!”) ๐Ÿ˜œ

Altogether now girls ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

Football Warning …….. :)

3rd born came home from school yesterday.ย  She fell in the doorway laughing, and tried to tell us something funny that had happened at school, but couldn’t catch her breath laughing so much.ย  After much calming down she told us her class were learning human development and sex education!

How they went about this was to hand out “true or false” statements.ย  The pupils had to read out the statement and then discuss whether is was true or false.

The one that had reduced my daughter, and her classmates, to near hysterics was as follows:

“Can a male control an erection?”

One of the boys replied that No, it couldn’t be controlled as it had happened to him – whilst he was watching Manchester United play at Wembley Stadium – the excitement had got too much for him!! ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

So gentlemen – if you happen to be watching the European Championship Football taking place at the moment – be warned ………… ๐Ÿ™‚

Everyone Active ๐Ÿ˜œ

I received an email from Everyone Active, which is our local Leisure Centre. ย Goodness knows why they contacted me – I’m hardly a candidate for Anyone Active! ๐Ÿ˜ณ

The email said if I join today I will get a free set of garden gnomes ๐Ÿ˜„ I was very excited and decided to join – I like gnomes. ย It wasn’t till I got to the end of the application and re-read ….. What is actually said was “join today and get a free set of garden games!”

How disappointing – I wanted the gnomes ๐Ÿ˜ณ

To kill a Mocking Bird

My favourite all time book and film!

This evening I made 3rd born sit and watch this film with me. ย I told her she may not understand it all now – but I wanted her to always remember watching it with me and never forget the values and integrity this film portrays. ย I also want her to never forget the injustice and how cruel and judgemental people can be.

I thought I may have to prod her to keep her awake – but there was no need โค๏ธ

There was also no need to explain the tears that always come at the end of this film – she understood.