Monthly Archives: April 2016

I’m here for my Tooth dammit!

Remember my broken dodgy wisdom tooth? Β Well it’s still awaiting extraction but yesterday I had to go for my pre-op assessment at the hospital.

I followed the directions to the building I required – only to find my TOOTH clinic was in the same building as the Sexual Diseases Clinic! 😳

And if that wasn’t bad enough – the entrance was on the main road – my appointment was for 9.00am – rush hour – so I played the part for all the watching motorists sat in the traffic – and had a good scratch before entering the building! πŸ˜„

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A visit to the police station πŸ˜ƒ

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So it went abit like this …….πŸ˜„

I give fourth born her tea, she only eats half of it and declares she’s not hungry. Β I send her back and tell her she must eat some more. Β I then catch her chucking it in the bin! Β She gets a big telling off, starving children were mentioned and I tell her she will have nothing else to eat this evening – she doesn’t care, she’s not hungry πŸ˜›

Two hours later we are dropping third born off at Scouts and the conversation goes as follows:

“Mommy I’m hungry” 😳

“Tough Lana, you should have eaten your tea”

“I wasn’t hungry then but I’m hungry now. Β Can I have something from the shop?”

“No”

“You can’t starve me you know!” πŸ˜„

I don’t reply, I just sigh heavily

“You’re naughty, you are, it’s not nice to starve your little child”

At this point I start howling with laughter “Go and tell a policeman then” πŸ˜„

“I will” she replies

At this point I offer to take her to the police station – she agrees this is the best course of action ……..

I do a swift U turn and head back into Town

“You do realise they may lock me up for not feeding you don’t you?”

“Yes” she replies 😳

“How will you get home if they lock me up?”

“I’ll walk home or ring Daddy, he’ll feed me!” πŸ˜„

At this point it becomes a battle of wills and stubbornness

I pull up opposite the police station and we get out of the car

“Are we really going in there?” she asks looking not the slightest bit worried

“Yep” I reply and march up to the glass door ……..

My dear little daughter waited until I had my hand on the door before a little voice said

“I’m sorry” ❀️

We get back into the car, she taps me gently on my knee and says “I’m still hungry” 😜😜

 

What`s a little weight gain? :)

Poor Jeff, he`s in unknown territory at the moment.Β  Never before has he had to cope with a wife who has gained weight πŸ™‚

Therefore he has to learn that it is not Ok to

a) grab what`s hanging over the top of my jeans

b) joke about me trying to squeeze into aforementioned jeans

c) snort with laughter as I cram custard creams into my gob

*I am beautiful, I am gorgeous, I am worthy, I willΒ resume normal weightΒ again very soon*

That’s better, I will now assist Jeff up off the floor and give him a bag of frozen peas for his swollen eye πŸ™‚

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I’m sexy and I know it πŸ™‚

A lesson learnt πŸ˜³

I took fourth born into Town shopping. Β She refused point blank to wear a jumper and insisted on wearing shorts despite being told it was cold outside!

I’m all for children learning the hard way – so what exactly did she learn?

She learnt that if she whimpered like a beaten abandoned puppy for long enough and shivered like she was having a seizure – I would give her my bloody jumper to wear! 😳😳

What’s under the bed? πŸ˜³

With firstborn now left home, we’ve given him a week and he hasn’t returned so we are assuming he’s goneπŸ˜„

We decided to move the girls into the big bedroom and move second born into their room, which is smaller.

What a mission it’s been! Moving all the contents from one room to the next – I was rather frightened as to what we may find in the process – everyone knows what you may find under a young man’s bed!

Phew – thank god for the Internet – that’s all I’m gonna say!! 😜

Sexbox 😜

Did anyone else watch Sexbox on Channel 4 last night? Β If you didn’t it was advertised as a programme about sexual issues, fantasies and all that malarkey in the modern day.

Now I’m never shocked, I love sex and not adverse to a bit of porn watching but this programme was something else!

It was portrayed as an open programme headed by a Sexologist who could help and advice on all things sexual – but to see these couples come on the programme for advice and then to place themselves in the “Sexbox” which was a small room sized box in the middle of the studio and have whatever kind of sex they were having difficulties with or fantasies about in the middle of a television studio was more than a little awkward to watch!

Like the couple wanting to have sex for the first time and then rejoining the studio audience to say whether they had “enjoyed themselves” or the lesbian virgin, wanting to have oral sex with another woman and then coming out to say how great it was!

I just found it excruciatingly embarrassing. Β I mean they clearly didn’t have wash facilities in this box, they were coming out and sitting with a studio audience with possibly wet pants and somewhat sweaty 😜😜 Β I don’t really want to see someone post coitus and I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to see me – to be honest they all looked too groomed after – not a hair out of place – they were clearly not doing it properly! πŸ˜„

Im open minded but surely there are some things that you don’t need to see or hear about. Β By all means take the advice given by the sexologist and take your butts home first before you have a good time! πŸ˜„πŸ˜„

S.A.T.S.

IMAG2817S.A.T.S. – Standard Attainment Tests Β (UK Education)

My eldest daughter is not 11 years old till August and along with her fellow Year 6 peers are facing possibly their hardest tests in their young little lives at the end of this month.

The pressure on these young pupils is immense and what for? Β They have already been accepted into their chosen Secondary Schools, the S.A.T.S have no bearing on their further education, inasmuch, they will be doing similar tests once ensconced into their Secondary Education.

These Easter holidays I’ve seen numerous parents fretting about their children doing these tests, on Facebook, various status’ saying how stressed their children are getting doing their revision.

Arowyn was off sick on the last day of school and as a consequence left all her revision books at School and do you know what, I’m so glad she did!

Holidays – yes, that’s what they are! Β Holidays for Primary School children to have fun – to play out with their friends, to relax with their families – not to spend two weeks doing heavy revision and getting worked up about their return to School and these tests.

As a consequence she may not score as highly as her peers but her mental health is much more important to me as her Mother.

She’s a good student, average in her academic abilities, all I expect from her is her best on the day.

Come September she will begin 5+ years of extensive study with homework targets to be met, end of year exams to be taken and eventually GCSE’s and A Levels and if she chooses, University.

She’s only 10 – let them be carefree children for a little longer.