One year on ……

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21st March 2015 – one year on ……..

It’s been a long hard year without you. Β There has been so many times I’ve heard or seen something and thought “Oh I must tell Mom about that” and then it hits me that I will never be able to do that again.

I still have your name on my phone, so everytime Paul rings me, it comes up “Mom” calling – and for that split second – I forget.

I had a dream whilst sleeping during the day, after a nightshift. Β There was no one in the house, but I heard a noise downstairs. Β In my sleepy state I remember thinking “It’s alright, it’s only Mom” I then laid there and thought I better go downstairs and put the tv on for you – you would be bored sat down there on your own whilst I slept. I then thought I should get up, maybe take you into town to look round the shops but I was so tired and fell back to sleep. Β When I finally did wake up – and remembered – it made me so sad – so sad for every missed opportunity I had to spend time with you – I knew it was a dream – but I wished I had gone downstairs anyway – just in case.

On the brighter side, I don’t cry so much anymore – I know you would want us all to remember you with a smile on our face and laughter bubbling away inside. Β But every now and again, when I’m walking Peppa I look up to the sky and wonder where you’ve gone.

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I can still hear your voice and your laughter. Β I can still feel your poor little hands in mine and how I was the only one you let cut your finger nails. Β Your hands were so twisted I would be laid on the floor nearly upside down to try and cut them – without cutting you.

I still haven’t been able to listen to our beloved Riverdance, but I think I will soon. Β That music was ours, our shared love – and I know you will be kicking your legs alongside me when I finally play it again x

I hope you can see us all and share with all our happy moments and support us through the tough times we’ve had. Β We’re all doing ok 😊

I love and miss you everyday – until I see you again – rest peacefully up your beautiful hills ❀️

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56 thoughts on “One year on ……

  1. Beautiful. It does get easier, not so much when you get them moments when you just need them, but then again it’s been 2 years next month that I lost my dad x

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Such a lovely tribute. You’re so right, the tears are replaced by joyful memories. I lost my mother to cancer in 1980, and I still think of her all the time. She didn’t live long enough to be a grandparent, to get a wrinkle or a gray hair. Be grateful for every memory you made together. Hugs. πŸ’–

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ❀ What a wonderful post.
    I still want to tell my dad things and he's been gone 11 years. Mostly I want to give him hell because his grandson is so much like him! πŸ™‚
    Hugs and love to you.

    Like

  4. This is so beautiful Lisa! Such a wonderful tribute, and also a reminder to truly enjoy the time we have with our moms. I’m very close to mine, and am having a big party for her this weekend, as she turns 80. Sounds like you had a very special and dear relationship with your mom. Take care, Jenny

    Liked by 1 person

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