21st March 2015 – one year on ……..
It’s been a long hard year without you. There has been so many times I’ve heard or seen something and thought “Oh I must tell Mom about that” and then it hits me that I will never be able to do that again.
I still have your name on my phone, so everytime Paul rings me, it comes up “Mom” calling – and for that split second – I forget.
I had a dream whilst sleeping during the day, after a nightshift. There was no one in the house, but I heard a noise downstairs. In my sleepy state I remember thinking “It’s alright, it’s only Mom” I then laid there and thought I better go downstairs and put the tv on for you – you would be bored sat down there on your own whilst I slept. I then thought I should get up, maybe take you into town to look round the shops but I was so tired and fell back to sleep. When I finally did wake up – and remembered – it made me so sad – so sad for every missed opportunity I had to spend time with you – I knew it was a dream – but I wished I had gone downstairs anyway – just in case.
On the brighter side, I don’t cry so much anymore – I know you would want us all to remember you with a smile on our face and laughter bubbling away inside. But every now and again, when I’m walking Peppa I look up to the sky and wonder where you’ve gone.
I can still hear your voice and your laughter. I can still feel your poor little hands in mine and how I was the only one you let cut your finger nails. Your hands were so twisted I would be laid on the floor nearly upside down to try and cut them – without cutting you.
I still haven’t been able to listen to our beloved Riverdance, but I think I will soon. That music was ours, our shared love – and I know you will be kicking your legs alongside me when I finally play it again x
I hope you can see us all and share with all our happy moments and support us through the tough times we’ve had. We’re all doing ok 😊
I love and miss you everyday – until I see you again – rest peacefully up your beautiful hills ❤️