A Turkey tale🐔🐔🐔🐔

It could have all gone so horribly wrong – what with chief turkey roaster (1st born) buggering off to China – without any bloody thought about who was going to cook my turkey 😳

Previous years have gone something like this – must cook turkey – before opening lambrini – must cook turkey – before opening lambrini – must look perky – before opening something – must book something – before opening something – must finish bottle – before – nope too late ………… Zzzzzzzzz berry shishbush to you all 😳

However – I bloody surpassed myself 😄 Turkey was crammed with a large onion up his bum – or neck – depending upon which end of the turkey you were facing.  He was then treated to a naked massage – him naked, not me – and had butter rubbed all over his wrinkled body and then powdered with seasonings and a few streaky rashers laying seductively across his naked form – ummmmm I think I’ve been reading too much Jackie Collins ……… 😜

Anyway, into the oven he went on Christmas Eve – I decided to cook him the day before, in case there were any disasters – I could then use my contingency plan of “turning up on other family members doorsteps, just in time for Christmas dinner” 😜 but all was going to plan – well I did forget to remove the giblets – but everyone forgets those – standard.  My oven had a funny half hour – or 4, and decided to smoke the house out – Jeffrey did suggest it may need a clean …………. I helped him up off the kitchen floor ……….

But even after all that – the end result was bloody marvellous 😃 I was rather taken back the next morning when it was suggested we have roast potatoes, parsnips, carrots, stuffing, piggies in the blanket bla bla bla ……. with my precious Turkey 😳 I assumed the turkey alone would suffice 😜

So we ended up having a lovely Christmas day with a lovely Christmas dinner – Jeffrey is one lucky man to have such a fine wife as I 😍

Jeff is on holiday for the next two weeks 😃 He is intending to do loads of jobs around the house during these holidays 😃  He’s bloody marvellous at DIY – it just takes him sooooooo long to finish what he’s started – I waited almost a year for my floor tiles to be laid in the lounge and down the hallway.  I cried, threatened to move out till he finished – but then had to backtrack as I thought my family may not remember who I was when I eventually came back!  I told him nothing would be getting laid till my floor was!   I resorted to standing naked at the end of the hallway enticing him tile by tile 😄 But the end result was first class 😃 so I’m looking forward to maybe a new coat of paint in the bathroom – all ready for next Christmas 😃😃

I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and if anyone needs any Turkey tips for future reference – I’m the one to speak to 😃