The turkey has landed …. and so have the “Trolls”

Oh yes the Christmas Turkey has landed 😃 Christmas is now officially happening – or at least the turkey is – unlike last year when I left it too late and turkeys had all sold out 😳  However, I’m not so sure about the “bearded one” landing and bearing his gifts for the “Trolls” – sorry offspring 😜 I think when he gets a report about them he may run screaming back to his sleigh, shoving a carrot in the reindeers gobs to get them to go faster!

Now I love this time of year for many reasons, but one reason that sits quite high on my list is the fact that you are almost certainly guaranteed lovely well-behaved, polite children for at least a couple of weeks in the build up.  When they’re about to kick off, all it takes is a sly little glance in the garden, their faces follow your gaze, you can almost feel their panic – “oooh was that the Christmas Robin I just saw sat on the fence?” I question innocently “better get ready for school and be good, he will be reporting back to Santa 😀  Off they race, almost breaking their necks to get ready first and show that robin how good they are 😀

“Oh dear” I sigh – “better hope Santa isn’t watching you having a major melt-down cos you’ve been asked to wash up”………..

“Where’s the washing up liquid Mommy” 😀

Bloody fantastic it is – or was – until this year 😳  Even the App on my phone that shows Santa ringing me isn’t working – 3rd born looks at me with pity in her eyes and laughs – I’ve even tried it on 1st and 2nd born, but at 23 and 21 years of age – they’re not falling for it either 😃 4th born – my baby, believes every word but quite frankly she’s not giving a shit this year 😳

Today 4th born ate a whole tub of Prawn Cocktail Pringles before dinner – furious I was – since they were mine!  She then announced she wasn’t hungry when given her dinner.  3rd born had a melt-down because I wouldn’t allow her to shave her legs – she’s 10 years old 😱  poor hairy little child – I’m sorry but you have inherited the hairy gene from me – I feel your pain – but you are only 10!!  That nice little hairy covering on your legs will save me buying you tights for the rest of December 😄

I decided to escape to Aldi for food shopping and leave the girls with Jeff – who was busy watching  back to back episodes of “Super Girl” 😁 “hello!” I’m the bloody Super Girl round here coping with your offspring – I’m just not running around showing my pants and making my boobs bounce – ummmm that’s a thought!  Actually no it’s not – I keep forgetting I have no boobs after breastfeeding aforementioned offspring for years and years 😜  So today I had no intention of taking girls with me after last weeks shopping trip.

Last week I decided to give them a little responsibility round the shop.  I gave them both a shopping basket and told them to get their own cereals, jam, croissants etc and meet me at the till.  “For goodness sake don’t leave the shop, you will get arrested for shop-lifting – and I’m not bailing you out!” I shrieked as they happily trotted off swinging their baskets 😃 what on earth was I thinking ………..😁😁

I had a lovely relaxing shopping experience – well as relaxing as it can be in fucking Aldi 😜 I met them at the till and praised them for being so responsible and sensible – till I checked contents of their baskets …….. 3rd born had a gingerbread house, 5 boxes of luxury Christmas cards for her friends, 3 boxes of Christmas candles and a box of chocolate biscuits – 4th born had filled her basket with a pair of jeans, new pair of trainers, 6 high energy drinks and was desperately hanging onto a “blow up Spiderman mattress” – that incidentally reared its ugly head a few weeks ago on a previous shopping trip 😁 they both had tinsel draped around their necks 😄

So – No – they weren’t coming with me today!

I gathered my bags and shopping list “Please can we come too” they smiled sweetly at me – “no fucking way” I muttered under my breath but smiled sweetly back and said “I’m sorry you can’t come – I have a crisis meeting with the Elves about your behaviour” ………………. 😳