VOMIT! Yep that’s right, my weekend away was Fifty Shades of Vomit!
It all started off so well. The journey down to the coast was pleasant – Jeffrey was clearly on his best behaviour – the “lucky pants” were looking promising 🙂 In fact there were only 2 wankers on the road all the way to Somerset – Jeffrey usually encounters more than that driving 5 minutes down the road to Tesco 🙂
We arrived at this gorgeous little B&B, lovely room – double shower, the biggest bed I`ve ever seen and a whole heap of tea-bags, which is always a massive bonus for me 🙂 as we walked into the room, Jeffrey proceeded to fall onto the massive bed, spread-eagled and declared he had the worse headache he`d ever had! – that’s usually my line, my love 🙂 I dosed him up with painkillers and left him to have 40 winks, which carried on to nearly 12 hours sleep.
I entertained myself with playing starfish on the huge bed – without encountering Jeffrey at all, probably just as well as I had forgotten to shave my legs – he usually moans its like sleeping next to a hedgehog 🙂
Never mind I thought, tomorrow is another day. We woke up, him feeling marvellous and me feeling slightly dodgy. We went down to breakfast and had a huge fry-up – I ate his fried bread and sausages as well as my own – don’t like to waste 🙂 Onwards our journey continued down to Devon. On arrival we met our friends and went out for a lovely lunch – I could only manage half a bowl of minestrone soup – I’m rather partial to a minestrone, although I`ve never been entirely sure what vegetable a minestrone is? Anyone?
We left the pub and went exploring. Not too long into the journey I yelled – whimpered “stop the car!!!” where I encountered my minestrone soup again – on the side of the road 😦 not once but twice. We decided to head for home, said our goodbyes and apologies to lovely friends – who most probably breathed a sigh of relief that their car was not plastered in Minestrone soup 🙂
We started driving up the road and this time I didn’t even give Jeff chance to stop the car, luckily wound down the window and proceeded to pebble dash the side of our car and most of my hair 😦 Jeff got out to try and comfort me – he was reluctant to touch me though seeing as I was covered in vomit – he just made soothing noises and mutterings like “fucking hell look at the state of the car” but he did shove me out of the way of pile of cow dung I nearly fell in – that’s true love 🙂
I won`t bore you with all the details, needless to say I spent the rest of the journey home – 4 fucking hours – with my head in a Tesco carrier bag – “every little helps and all that shit” 🙂
So the weekend wasn’t what we expected but seeing as I couldn’t go to work and Jeffrey had to take day off from work to look after the kids by Tuesday I progressed to the sofa as opposed to the bed. Girls were at school so we decided to watch a movie “Fifty Shades of Grey” which I`ve incidentally renamed Fifty Shades of Shite 🙂
How unrealistic is this film? Anastasia Steele is a virgin when she first encounters the lovely Christian Grey – no one – but no one can have as much sex as she does for the first time and not end up with a bad case of cystitis and a very sore fanny – very disappointed 🙂
Anyway I can`t even show you a lovely holiday picture cos I was too ill to take any photos so I`ve posted a random one anyway :)!
Happy Wednesday Folks!