Fifty Shades of ……….

VOMIT!ย  Yep that’s right, my weekend away was Fifty Shades of Vomit!

It all started off so well.ย  The journey down to the coast was pleasant – Jeffrey was clearly on his best behaviour – theย “lucky pants” wereย looking promising ๐Ÿ™‚ ย In fact there were only 2 wankers on the road all the way to Somerset –ย Jeffrey usually encountersย more than that driving 5 minutes down the road to Tesco ๐Ÿ™‚

We arrived at this gorgeous little B&B, lovely room – double shower, the biggest bed I`ve ever seen and a whole heap of tea-bags, which is always a massive bonus for me ๐Ÿ™‚ as we walked into the room, Jeffrey proceeded to fall onto the massive bed, spread-eagled and declared he had the worse headache he`d ever had! – that’s usually my line, my love ๐Ÿ™‚ ย I dosed him up with painkillers and left him to have 40 winks, which carried on to nearly 12 hours sleep.

I entertained myself with playing starfish on the huge bed – without encountering Jeffrey at all, probably just as well as I had forgotten to shave my legs – he usually moans its like sleeping next to a hedgehog ๐Ÿ™‚

Never mind I thought, tomorrow is another day.ย  We woke up, him feeling marvellous and me feeling slightly dodgy.ย  We went down to breakfast and had a huge fry-up – I ate his fried bread and sausages as well as my own – don’t like to waste ๐Ÿ™‚ย  Onwards our journey continued down to Devon.ย  On arrival we met our friends and went out for a lovely lunch – I could only manage half a bowl of minestrone soup – I’m rather partial to a minestrone, although I`ve never been entirely sure what vegetable a minestrone is?ย ย Anyone?

We left the pub and went exploring.ย  Not too long into the journey I yelled – whimperedย “stop the car!!!” where I encountered my minestrone soup again – on the side of the road ๐Ÿ˜ฆ not once but twice.ย  We decided to head for home, said our goodbyes and apologies to lovely friends – who most probably breathed a sigh of relief that their car was not plastered in Minestrone soup ๐Ÿ™‚

We started driving up the road and this time I didn’t even give Jeff chance to stop the car, luckily wound down the window and proceeded to pebble dash the side of our car and most of my hair ๐Ÿ˜ฆย  Jeff got out to try and comfort me – he was reluctant to touch me though seeing as I was covered in vomit – he just made soothing noises and mutterings like “fucking hell look at the state of the car”ย but he did shove me out of the way of pile of cow dung I nearly fell in – that’s true love ๐Ÿ™‚

I won`t bore you with all the details, needless to say I spent the rest of the journey home – 4 fucking hours – with my head in a Tesco carrier bag – “every little helps and all that shit” ๐Ÿ™‚

So the weekend wasn’t what we expected but seeing as I couldn’t go to work and Jeffrey had to take day off from work to look after the kids by Tuesday I progressed to the sofa as opposed to the bed.ย  Girls were at school so we decided to watch a movie “Fifty Shades of Grey” which I`ve incidentally renamed Fifty Shades of Shite ๐Ÿ™‚

How unrealistic is this film?ย  Anastasia Steele is a virgin when she first encounters the lovely Christian Grey – no one –ย but no one can have as much sex as she does for the first time and not end up with a bad case of cystitis and a very sore fanny – very disappointed ๐Ÿ™‚

Anyway I can`t even show you a lovely holiday picture cos I was too ill to take any photos so I`ve posted a random one anyway :)!IMAG1225

Happy Wednesday Folks!


13 thoughts on “Fifty Shades of ……….

  1. Ha ha love it – you always cheer me up.

    The other stupid thing about 50 shades is that the bloke is about as dominant as a reprimanded puppy. In fact he is completely to a daft woman who chews her lip – is he not?

    Liked by 1 person

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