My Last Will and Testament (well, for this week) :)

Births, Deaths and Marriages 🙂

We are all 100% guaranteed to experience at least two of these things in our lifetime, and when you think about it – the planning and preparation that goes into an imminent birth begins, usually, from conception, if not before.  The same goes for a marriage, where preparations usually take a lot bloody longer than a birth-plan.  And yet, when it comes to the third Taboo subject, Death, no one really wants to prepare and make plans.

You are wary of broaching the subject with dear old Auntie Mabel.  Asking “Have you done a Will yet?” is likely to result in a whack around the head with her walking stick and words to the effect of “money grabbing bastards, you not getting a penny” 🙂  When you talk about making a Will, everyone looks horrified, no one wants to talk about morbid things like dying – and yet its our final moment – to leave our mark 🙂

This is why I`m very much sorted with regards to all my plans and wishes 🙂  So much so, that I change my Will, almost weekly, depending on my mood and what sort of day I`ve had 🙂  My Will is kept with a Solicitor, that offers a brilliant service which means I can change it accordingly and I`ve certainly taken advantage of that 🙂

I firstly decided I wanted to be buried rather than cremated.  This was probably on a “weepy day” when I decided I wanted my loved ones to have somewhere to weep around.  I`ve now changed my mind, seeing as the only churchyard I wanted to be buried in is quickly filling up – I don`t want to end up on a “new and modern” burial site, close to a motorway, which in 30 years time they will be building a Primark on top of me – ummmmm  actually I wouldn`t mind that, I love Primark.

So I then decided cremation was the way forward.  But where shall I be scattered?  I decided Durdle Door down in Dorset, I`ve had some lovely holidays down there 🙂  I made it clear to the boys what my wishes were, this was before Jeffrey was on the scene.  “Take me back to Durdle Door” I ordered “chuck me off the top of the cliff”  Chris looked at me, taking this very important conversation to heart and asked “do you want to be cremated first?”  Well, sweetheart, that would be more desirable – unless you wanted to completely fuck up someone`s picnic on the beach below!

Since then, I`ve changed my mind again.  Dorset is too far for everyone to travel to and if I die during the Winter, half the congregation will be blown off the cliff with me, gets very windy up there!  So I decided to have half of me scattered at the original graveyard and the other half up the hills with my Mom.  But this has caused a bit of concern.  What half of my ashes will be where?  Won`t be good having, say, 2 legs and an arm in one place – and the rest somewhere else.

So at the moment – I’m staying in one place – all of me 🙂

Course we then go onto my Wishes.  I have my music planned, going in and coming out, well, not me coming out obviously, just my grieving loved one.  But everytime a new “Now that’s what I call music 2,378” is released, I have a browse and think “Ooooh I like that track” and back on the phone again to the Solicitors to change my music.  Currently its “Happy” by Pharrell Williams – cos I`m in a good mood, planning Christmas and all that 🙂

By January it will possibly be “Imagine” by John Lennon again.

I’m very open about death and have made my children very relaxed about the subject.  I don’t want them to think its something to be afraid of.  I took the boys to see their Grampy at the Chapel of Rest when they were very young.  We all planted a big kiss on the top of his head and tucked his birthday cards into his suit pocket – he`d died just after his birthday and hadn`t had time to look at his cards – he looked alright, he would have looked better in his old Marks and Spencer cardi rather than a suit but it was a special occasion.  The boys took it all in their stride and didn`t bat an eyelid – just commented how bloody cold it was in there!

The girls happily go through my jewellery box commenting “Will this be mine when your dead?” course Arowyn is on a winner here at the moment as Lana – in her tomboy stage – doesn`t want any of my Claire`s Accessories bangles and baubles 🙂

My last change was to confirm who would be Guardians to the girls if Jeffery and I die tragically together – I had to change this as I think the Solicitor got a bit flustered last time and left the girls in the guardianship of the ex-husband instead of his sons (ex-husband unaware of this – so luckily I spotted it in time)

So as you can see, I change my Last Will and Testament fairly regularly which is why I was astonished when I rang the Solicitors yesterday to be told the nice man Simon who comes to our house to make the changes is now on permanent sick-leave, something about having a breakdown over workload …………… 😉


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